Vacation Bible School....how's it going?

Well, I would say VBS is going great. I really mean it, too. I am excited for the little ones to see it, I just pray that we can all remember why we are doing what we're doing. It's not about US, after all.

Rehearsals are going well, and thankfully my job did not object to giving me all of the nights off (or we would have come to fisticuffs). Rehearsal every night this week except Friday and I'm (unfortunately) going to miss tonight's rehearsal because I have to work :(

Resuming tomorrow, after our sonogram!!! YIPPEE!!!!!

I hate my job

Seriously, seriously hate it. And it's not the JOB itself, but the stuff that goes along with it. I cannot stand being spoken to like I am a five year old, or that I am "below" someone else. I do not like the rude customers who come into the store and treat me like I'm their servant. I cannot stand it when I work with people who do nothing all day long, and leave everything for me to do. I cannot stand when the managers spend the entire day in the office, leaving the staff to fend for themselves.

I wish I could just quit, or at the very least go away for several months and then go back. If only I could....

I just keep praying and praying and praying that something better will come along and I'll be able to leave.

Daddy's Home!

YAY!! Everyone can relax and rejoice now, Daddy is finally HOME. Daniel is happy, and so am I! (So is Michael, truth be told....NYC is great but he was ready to come home.)

His flight was delayed almost 2 hours yesterday, but thankfully it wasn't cancelled (in fact, it was one of only 2 flights to make it out of La Guardia to DFW yesterday...the rest were cancelled, and the other was delayed nearly 7 hours).

Another Blessing : Daniel slept late this morning....I think it's honestly the latest he's ever, ever slept. He woke up at 10 am. WOW.

It's 13 minutes until 10 and he's in the process of falling asleep right now.

I have to work tomorrow from 11-4 (big surprise, huh) so I hope he sleeps in and gives his parents some more much needed rest.

Why can't anything ever be simple?

I woke up this morning feeling worse than I've felt since I got pregnant. My bladder hurts (I have a bladder infection) and all I want to do is stay in bed. So, I called work to tell them that I can't make it in. I cannot believe the response I received "Well, it is imperative that you be here. I think you need to find an alternative and be here." What alternative am I supposed to find? Seriously, this is ridiculous. Yes, I missed some work back when I had severe morning sickness but I ALWAYS go to the DR and get a note. I know what's wrong with me today -- my bladder infection. Guess what, I was just at the DR a couple of days ago and there is no need for me to go back.

Why is it that there are people up there who can call in for no reason whatsoever and they don't get the third degree, and they don't get second-guessed. It makes me so angry I could just spit. I really dislike that place and how they run it. I hate the fact that family is supposed to be important, yet when you ask for certain days off to be with your family, they balk. I hate when you ask them not to schedule you every weekend, every weekend day....and they do it anyway. I hate that they are "requiring" me to work on Sundays, when they read the full time requirements to me and it says "open availability on two of the three weekend days (Friday-Sunday)" and they won't take me saying that I can't work on Sundays. I've also made it clear that if they ever ask me to choose between God/Family and work, the choice is clear, and I'll tell them hasta la vista. NOBODY has the right to come between me and my Spiritual life, or my family.

But I digress, which I like to do apparently. The manager told me he was going to call me back. That was over an hour ago. I'm thinking about calling him back and telling him that calling me won't do any good, that I can't make it in and I'll take the silly written warning. Hopefully God will remove this obstacle from my life and place something much better in its place (something that is NOT an obstacle, I hope).

Save some time for dreaming....

Man it's either pregnancy hormones on overdrive, or that Carly Simon song from "Pooh's Heffalump Movie" is REALLY touching ("Little Mr Roo"). I always cry, and right now Daniel is watching the movie and that song is on.....Here are some of the lyrics :

Little Mr Roo, reaching for the moon
Don't grow up too fast, too soon.
Save some time for dreaming...

And it makes me think : do we EVER save time for dreaming? I mean, really dreaming? I'm talking the whole enchilada : the whole shebang : the big dreams. I don't. But I'm going to start.

I have dreams for my children. But I don't want them to grow up with MY dreams, I want them to grow up with their OWN dreams. For example, I'd love Daniel to become a Major League Baseball player....but only if that's what he wants to do. I'd prefer it if he didn't play football, because that scares me too much. (Besides, as his Daddy has pointed out, the only pro sport where the money is guaranteed is pro baseball!)

I suppose my biggest dream for myself would be : to become a trainer at Sea World....it's been my dream every since I was a little girl. I wish I could get a job there, quit working at Old Navy and start working at Sea World. How cool would that be? I guess I could look into it, but it's a fur piece to San Antonio....or San Diego......or Orlando! Maybe if Sea World comes to a city near me....

Ah, well. For now I shall stick to the practical dreams : a clean house, well behaved children, and a healthy marriage. I guess you could say I dream about things that I can attain....I can't be one of those fanciful dreamers anymore.

If Patience is a virtue, I'm afraid I'm not very virtuous

So here is my day today (get ready, it was annoying)

7:00 am -- wake up because Daniel was stirring....go back to sleep when he does

8:30 am -- finally get up because Daniel is awake, talking, and ready to get up for the day (not sure why exactly because he went to bed at 10 last night!)....upon getting up I realize that I am in tremendous pain....lower right abdomen. I think, "huh the nurse never called me back yesterday I better call again." So I do.

9:00 am -- breakfast (scrambled eggs, cheerios, and milk -- I get the leftovers!)

9:45 am -- call the DR again because it's been an hour since I last called, they tell me the nurse still isn't in and that the DR won't be in until 1...so I wait.

11:45 am -- go have lunch with Memaw

1:00 pm -- call the DR back because I STILL hadn't heard from the nurse. Put on hold, they come back and tell me that I had an appt scheduled YESTERDAY for noon today! I say "Gee, it sure would have been nice if someone had let ME know!" They tell me to get there as quickly as possible, and assure me I won't have to wait long.

1:40 pm -- arrive at DR office and check in.

3:00 pm -- yes , you read that right....I finally get back into the exam room, the nurse (who is training a new person) takes my weight (no gain, no loss! YAY!), urine check, blood pressure, then I wait....

3:44 pm -- the DR comes in and we talk about my pain issues, then we talk about the nobody calling me to inform me of my appt issues....she assures me she will handle it. She leaves to check another patient and test my urine...

4:10 pm -- I get moved to the sono room so the DR can sono me. She comes in at 4:15 and says "you have a bladder infection!" Great. She does a sonogram to check the baby, to check my scar, and to make sure everything is still A-OK, which THANK GOD it was!

5:00 pm -- I leave the DR office. I am supposed to be at work right now, but I've already called and they are OK with it.

5:40 pm -- I arrive at work. Yuck.

10:20 pm -- I leave work. Yay.

10:28 pm -- arrive home and vacuum the carpet, put away dishes, start dishwasher, and start some laundry.

11:04 pm -- get online to check email and write this entry

11:07 pm -- take a shower

11:15 pm -- crash out because I have to be BACK at work at 8 in the morning, work until 2:30 then be at Church at 7 for VBS rehearsal. In between 2:30 and 7 I have to cook dinner, finish laundry, and get some more clutter cleared out.

All in all, a pretty trying day.

Why can't DRs just call you back?

Seriously, I'm 19 weeks and 1 day pregnant, and I've been ignored for two days straight now. I'm in serious pain this morning in my right side (where my round ligaments are) and I'm not concerned about the baby -- I've been feeling *her* squirm and squirm all night! I'm concerned about ME....it's not normal to have this much pain because I didn't have the pain with Daniel. I guess maybe it is normal for 2nd pregnancies...but who knows.

Anyway, if I don't hear from her in the next half hour then I'm calling back and making my own appointment. Today is the only DAY I have off....I have to be at work at 5 and the other four days this week I open.

My baby is growing up :(

I guess I should be excited that he's growing and maturing, and I am...don't misunderstand me! It's just that it's so hard to watch him gaining all this Independence. He's just started this "frowning" thing, where he dips his head low and frowns at you. And he cracks himself up answering every question with "no."

In fact, that is our favorite pre-bedtime ritual : "Daniel, do you want to go nite-nite?" "No." We all crack up. This gets repeated several times until all of our sides are aching from the laughter. Finally we say "Daniel, it's time for nite-nite." Then we get our bath, diapered, pajamas, teeth brushed, and rocked.

Well, at least we used to get rocked. Recently he has decided that he would rather lay in bed and talk to himself and go to sleep on his own than be rocked to sleep. I KNOW I KNOW, I should be thankful....but I'm not. I'm miserable, because my "baby" no longer wants to be rocked to sleep. I suppose child psychologists would say he is a healthy, well-adjusted child who feels comfort in his surroundings, and is so confident in the fact that I'll be there for him that he is willing and able to go to sleep on his own. Well, that makes me feel really, really good. But it doesn't change the fact that I'm miserable because I want to rock him to sleep. I do, however, take solace in the fact that he still wants to be rocked to sleep at naptime.

And since Michael is in NYC until Friday I'm lonely and miserable at night (no time to be lonely during the day...Old Navy has me working waaaaay too much this week!) and it doesn't help that my son won't sleep in the big bed with me. Again, I KNOW I should be thankful that he won't but sometimes you just need a snuggle buggle and you can't find one.

Vacation Bible School.....Oh yeah it's back.

So, after two years being "away" from VBS at Church, we're back. And I have to say : I am so glad that we are. You never realize how much you miss something until it isn't there. I guess part of me wanted to remain bitter and hostile about having "my" ministry taken away from me, but I realized that God just had bigger plans in mind for me!

So this year is "Moses..." and Michael is back as Moses, which he's nervous about because he's been having some vocal troubles (I think he sounds lovely, but what do I know). It starts on Father's Day (June 19th for those of you who don't know) and it promises to be an interesting one! We've got a new Children's Minister and she's doing a fabulous job, especially for it being her "first time" doing VBS. The cast is great, and everyone seems to be getting along....if only they'd all show up every night!

I guess what I missed the most about VBS was the bonding you tend to do with the other cast members. You get to know people that you might not ordinarily "hang out" with, and you realize how truly awesome people can be.

All I can say is I'm sure glad to be back. And I can't even say "finally," because it's all been in God's timing.

Lonely Hearts Club

So, Michael went to NYC this morning.......what a drag. We got up at 4 to get him to the airport by 5:30 and it's a good thing we did.....got rained/hailed/you name it on the way over there!! And the way back. It was miserable!!

On the plus side, Daniel had a 4 hour nap when we got home, which allowed me to take a nap as well!

NIIIIICE

I just hate being by myself at night.

Am I "too Liberal?"

Is there even such a thing as being "too Liberal?" And since when did the labels "Conservative" and "Liberal" get bad connotations? When did a word that means "free; marked by generosity; open-handed; broad-minded; not literal or strict" become a bad thing? By the same token, a word that means "marked by moderation or caution;marked by or relating to traditional norms of taste, elegance, style, or manners" become a bad thing either?

Why is it that people are apalled when they learn that I am a "LIBERAL?" And that I am a LIBERAL CHRISTIAN, at that. Why do people ask me "how can you be a Liberal AND a Christian?" Why did someone tell me today "You can't be a Christian, you're too Liberal."

Is it that Liberals are seen as too open-minded to accept or believe in the concept of Jesus Christ being the Messiah? Or is it that Christians have earned a repuation of late for being intolerant and close-minded, and there couldn't possibly be any Christians who aren't that way?

Where is the happy medium? And am I "too Liberal" for my Church? And how do you decide if the Church you are attending is the right fit for you? Let's examine this closer, shall we? You see, since I was younger I have felt "called" to be in a Leadership position (at work, in life, and especially at Church). I grew up in a Church that did not frown on women in Leadership roles, but rather accepted that as a fact : God calls women, so we'll let women be leaders. The conflict began in High School, because I didn't feel that the youth group was "Spiritual" enough for me. (And really, they weren't -- people were more concerned on "hooking up" on weekend retreats/camp/etc and less concerned with "filling up" on God.) So, I began going to a different Church entirely, with a different set of beliefs (doctrine) than I was raised with. It was at this Church that I met my husband, it was at this Church that I finally felt I belonged. EXCEPT for that one nagging problem : women can't Leadership roles. Is this a huge problem? Yes. It is an issue that I struggle with, and have struggled with for some time. Is it so large an issue that I have considered leaving the Church? Not really, but I have to admit that the attitude of many women at the Church (the attitude of "I have to have my husband's permission because he is the boss of me" and "women can't be leaders, it's wrong and goes against the Bible") really gets to me, because until the WOMEN decide to unite and take a stand, we will never be allowed to lead.

But I digress.

Am I too Liberal? And why do I dread telling people that I am? Is being a Liberal really that bad? Let's look at how I feel about certain "social" issues, shall we?

Abortion : I feel abortion as a means of birth control is evil, and I feel that abortion in the case of medical or emotional necessity is not wrong in the slightest. I do not feel that I could be strong enough to make that decision, and am thankful that I haven't been faced with it. HOWEVER, I also feel that it is not my place to tell another woman what she can or cannot do with her own body, because I DO feel that it is a woman's right to choose.

Death Penalty : I am so mixed on this, because I feel like we're playing God by deciding when people (albeit bad people) die. However, it is a form of punishment and when someone breaks the law they know it is a possibility. I just hate that it is so final, and if the person is later proven innocent then they were put to death for no reason, and whose head is that on? Having never been faced with the decision to put someone to death, I can honestly say I do not know how I would vote if I were a juror in a Capitol case.

Homosexuality : I believe a person is born this way. As to whether or not it is a sin, I do not have the authority to make that call. I DO know that while the Bible is supposedly "clear" on the subject, there are flaws and questions about the translation. The KJV of the Bible does not say "homosexuals" in the New Testament, but later editions of the Bible do. Is this because King James was supposedly a homosexual, and they wanted a more "King friendly" version of the Bible? I doubt this very seriously. It is more likely that the issues with the words themselves is more probable. Instead of "homosexual" it has been suggested that the word Paul uses is "male prostitute - one who sells himself to women" but will we ever know for sure? Maybe, but most likely we won't until we get to Heaven and I'll be sure to ask. In the meantime, I believe that homosexuals deserve the right to be happy and if that includes partnerships sanctioned by their respective state/federal governments, then so be it.

Stem Cell Research : DO IT! It can save lives, and can redeem lives that otherwise would have been lost. Enough said.

The War in Iraq : I don't understand why we went there in the first place, but I do understand why we're still there. Doesn't mean I agree with it. And I support the troops, I just hate the fact that they are over there in the first place. I want them brought home safely ASAP.

The President : I didn't vote for him the first time and I didn't vote for him the second time. I feel there was a better choice out there (not that John Kerry was the best choice necessarily, but he was, IMHO, a MUCH better choice).

My Political Affiliation : Independent. I vote for the best person for the job. I suppose I am left-leaning because more of what they believe in lines up with what I believe in. That doesn't mean that I wouldn't vote for a Republican if the person moved me to vote for them. I will be honest with you, if John McCain had been running for President I would have voted for him over John Kerry. I like his politics.

So, I submit to you : am I too Liberal?

Simple Joys

Who'd have ever thought that stuffed jalapenos from Jack In The Box would become my "gotta have it now" craving? But it has. The weird part? Normally, I wouldn' touch the things with a ten foot pole. Hm, go figure.

WOW OH WOW

So much has happened! We had to take our computer into Best Buy to be sent away TWICE! Each time it took them just under 2 weeks to get it back to us!! And get this, we have the stupid service plan and this is the 3rd and 4th time we've sent it in, but of course they can only find 3 times total so we have to take it in a 4th time to get a replacement! What a rip off. Every time we've sent it in it has been the same thing : the power source (the plug where the AC adapter goes keeps coming unsoldered). You'd think they'd just say "hey, you got a bum computer, here's a new one!" But NOOOO.


Oh well, some updates :

Daniel -- growing like a big, healthy weed. He's been sick for several days (high fever 104 on Friday all day) and he has been dizzy and unable to walk straight for a few days. We've been to the DR every day since Wed (with the exception of the weekend). They did cranial x-rays yesterday at Cook's and determined that he has a severe sinus infection. They put him on Omnicef for 20 days to clear it up (hopefully.) BESIDES all of that he now has his second ear infection (caused, of course, by his chronic sinus infection). WHY don't DRs listen to the moms? Why do we have to make nuisances of ourselves to get anything accomplished? At least we DID get something accomplished!

Michael -- Buckley award nominations came out, he was diappointed to say the least. They were nominated for 5 including Best Musical, but he sees their chances to be slimmer than I do. I'm just praying they win.

Gary Joe -- went home from the hospital but landed back in there with an infection. I'm still not 100% sure how he's doing as of today. I'll have to find out and update for sure later.


Bebe -- home and doing great! She was in the hospital for 7 weeks! But at least she is home now!


We are still looking for a house. Hopefully, we're closing in on one soon!

What kind of sick individual would do this?

Michael's cousin Gary Joe was shot Thursday morning in his office at the High School he is Athletic Director for. This is bizarre to me, because parents don't normally worry about their children being coaches. You would worry if your son/daughter was a firefighter or a police officer. But a TEACHER? Or a COACH? The man that shot him is the father of a student (a Freshman) who was kicked out of the Athletic Program. Apparently the father was suspended from stepping foot on campus a couple of weeks ago. What gets me about a lot of this is : the news is focusing solely on the shooter and not very much on Gary Joe. If I was GJ (his son) I would be looking for the son of this man to have "words." OK I probably wouldn't but still. Apparently Laurie (Gary Joe's wife) and GJ were on the hitmans list along with Gary Sr (Michael's uncle). This man tried to slit his wrists before police caught him. I think if he'd really wanted to die he would have put an AK bullet in his own head. But he didn't because he is a coward. A lowlife scum. He makes me sick.


The news is reporting that no vital organs were hit, but what we have been told is that his liver was hit and a chunk the size of a fist was taken out. The bullet is STILL lodged in Gary Joe's liver and they have packed his liver right now just to keep the bleeding from happening. They are doing reconstructive surgeries this weekend, but he is touch and go. They have given him a 70% chance to live and the DRs have said it's a miracle. If he wasn't as big and strong as he is he would have died instantly.

Our prayer is for a full and quick recovery. And that the man that did it isn't terminally ill (which he said he was) and that he lives a very long miserable life in PRISON.

A striking of inspiration

So, I was on my way downtown to visit Bebe today when I passed a homeless man sitting by the side of the road. He was bedraggled, looked as though he hadn't showered in years, and from the way he was sitting I imagine he has not slept in a bed (or off the ground, for that matter) in just as long. But what struck me most was his eyes. They looked alert, they were watching each and every car as it passed by, looking at the drivers, making eye contact and SMILING? Yes, he was smiling. And waving, too! Now, normally this might make me slightly uncomfortable as I have always heard that homeless people are crazy. A generalization? You bet it is and I hate to make those but it's hard when SOCIETY says....Anyway, he was quite happy watching people, waving, and smiling. But then I noticed something else. NOBODY was waving back. In fact, nobody was even looking his way. How sad, I thought. So, when it is my turn I am going to wave and smile and make him feel good. Sure enough, the light turned green (Rosedale of course) and I got to turn left. He saw me coming, smiled and waved! I waved back and smiled at him and noticed in the rear view mirror that his eyes stayed on my car for as far as I could see. Was I the first person who waved back at him? Surely not! This got me thinking about "What Does Jesus REALLY look like?" So, I called Raymond at Church and told him I'd like to write something to share with the congregation during Danny's sermon series. And here is basically what I was thinking (I'll share it with you because I trust you) : What does Jesus REALLY look like? I sometimes think the people in the New Testament were clearly at an advantage when it came to believing in Jesus. After all, they got to witness Him performing miracles every day! But even more than that, they SAW Him. His believers actually got to SEE Him, to fellowship with Him, to travel with Him. What must that have been like? Modern day Christians like to think of Jesus as this lofty ideal, someone to aspire to be like. Oh sure, I aspire to be as Christ-like as possible, too. But upon studying the Bible, I have realized that being Christ-like does not mean what a lot of people think it means. After all, where did Jesus hang out? He hung out with SINNERS. People who did all sorts of deplorable things, people who (by today's standards) would not be fit for a person to smile or wave at. But JESUS spent time with those people. In fact, one could make the argument that Jesus might have PREFERRED those people! Maybe that is a little strong, but I can sort of see why He might have....after all, I don't like hanging out with people who are so full of themselves that they can't admit when they have made mistakes! It is apparent through some of the things that Jesus said to the Pharisees that he saw them as those kinds of people, and you don't read much where he spent a lot of time with them. So, what does Jesus look like. To a sinner? From what some people would have you believe, Jesus is the son of a vengeful, wrathful God who wants nothing more than to strike you down for doing the nasty things you are doing. But that is not what I have discovered about Jesus. I have discovered that Jesus is loving, compassionate, and genuinely wants you to know Him. He wants you to WANT to be with Him, He doesn't want you to feel FORCED against your God-given free will to follow Him. Jesus led by example, so it is my feeling that as a modern day sinner who wants to have her friends and family in Heaven (and wants to go there herself!), that I have to be Christ-like and LEAD BY EXAMPLE. Easier said than done? Not really. I am human, so unlike Jesus, I am going to make mistakes. I am going to sin. "All have sinned and fallen short of the Glory of God." Paul said that. Guess what, he was a sinner too. I have a feeling God doesn't like it too much when people pretend like that verse doesn't apply to them.

So, back to my man under the bridge : what if that had been Jesus? What if all He wanted today was someone to wave and smile at him? I like to think maybe it WAS Jesus, and the Bible backs me up : "whatever you have done for the least of these you have done for me." Pretty awesome thought, huh? Maybe I came face to face with my Lord today. I doubt it, but hopefully that man saw Jesus when he looked at me smiling and waving back and him.




And just as a footnote : I don't really think the early Christians were at an advantage because of witnessing miracles, after all : every day we are given is a miracle in and of itself. But what about the larger miracles : how about BABIES. If THAT isn't a miracle, I don't know what is!