Daniel at 8 months (the same age Zoe is now....)

Kiddo Pics...Enjoy

No, he never wears clothes.....I don't blame him, do you?

This was her first time in the Jumperoo....she LOVED it!!


She loves Biter Biscuits!! Almost as much as Zwieback toast!

I think somebody needs a bath now!!

Daniel is fascinated with his tray....

Zoe's growing....Our own Charlie and Lola

Somehow it's all happening and we're completely unaware....but here goes : she sleeps through the night (like 10-12 hours at a time!!!!), which was unheard of with Daniel (and still sort of is) until he was around 14 months old. She also sits up all by herself, and can stand with assistance. She coos, giggles, says "dadada" and "mamama" and she has started eating baby food meats. Her newest thing is smacking her tongue against the roof of her mouth and grinning. I am struggling right now, because I also feel she is happier receiving a bottle than nursing. She nurses when it's convenient for her (aka when she wants to), so she expects there to be milk in there when she wants it. Otherwise, she likes the bottle. I don't know what to do, because I am not ready to stop nursing her. I am really hoping we'll make it at least another month. We'll see. The transition is not an easy one for me right now, because I feel as though she's not really ready to wean she's just reacting to me not being right here on demand for all of her feedings, like I was with Daniel.

Daniel loves to watch "Charlie and Lola" on Playhouse Disney. It's amazing how much their relationship mirrors Daniel and Zoe. Daniel isn't as much older than Zoe, but it's so cute to watch him protect her. And he's fascinated with holding her. We don't let that happen too often, and only with mom and/or dad helping. He's not big enough to hold her by himself yet!!

Right this very second I am watching Daniel put on his own shoe. Unbelievable! He can also dress himself, but of course it takes FOREVER, and usually his shorts end up on backwards, but who cares? He's growing too! Here are some pictures of them :

For some reason our computer is not allowing any other pics to be added at this time. We'll do some more later! :)

This week....

This week has been insane. On Wednesday I was in the room with a patient when she expired. It was rough. I was proud of myself for holding it together, and supporting the family with words, touch, and emotion. I did not lose it, though I was worried I would. Later that night however, was a different story. I couldn't bring myself to get to the facility the next morning. So I went in late. My instructor was amazing, and she helped me work through some things and I feel really good about it now.

Today I was a nurse!! It was so much fun! Passing meds, changing a catheter, and deciding who gets pain meds and how much to give. It was great! I'm going to miss the facility when we leave, but I'm looking forward to Harris Downtown.

VBS is only a week and a few days away....it's nerve wracking, because it always feels like it's not there yet. But that's only because WE'RE not there yet...right? Well, anyway....VBS rehearsals every night next week (my last week of level 2 YAY) and then the all day rehearsal on Saturday...VBS starts on Sunday. Yay.....

I'm going to post about the kids later, just so you know :)

One of those days

Here I sit, thinking about studying. I really need to study, for you see I have two exams tomorrow and one on Tuesday. But what I am doing instead is procrastinating. Yeah, that's right....I'm putting off for later what I should be doing right now. It's quiet here, something that never happens....both kiddos are sleeping. All I want to do is curl up in the bed and nap. But I have so much staring me in the face, stuff that NEEDS to be done. For example : studying. I really NEED to study, because I NEED the A. I NEED to clean toilets. I NEED to change the sheets on our bed (which, by the way I WILL do tonight because they're gross....change them once a week at least, people!!). And then there's the matter of VBS. I'm supposed to be off-book tomorrow night. I'm not. Not even close. But I will be tomorrow night (so don't worry, jennifer!!).

But all of that is beside the point. The reason I'm doing this instead of studying is simple : I have something I need to get off my chest. It's a catharsis, of sorts. So here goes :

I'm about to make a confession. To those of you who know me well, or have known me for a long time I don't think it'll be a shock. Who knows, those of you who haven't known me long may not even be surprised to learn it. I'm a jealous person. I'm co-dependent (but not in an unhealthy way...I don't think). I'm over-protective, both as a mom and as a wife. I'm innately trusting, but break it once and I have a really hard time giving it back to you. So here is why I'm writing. I know my husband is attractive. OBVIOUSLY or I wouldn't have wanted to date him in the first place. And he's only gotten better with age. And since he's become so obsessed with working out, he's got muscles. Those tend to drive the gals wild. But here goes : I cannot STAND it when other women look at my husband, when they talk to my husband, when they (GOD FORBID) touch my husband I want to punch them. WHY? Why am I so jealous? Why do I allow myself to feel threatened? Because it really is just me, it has nothing to do with Michael. He's nothing but faithful to me. He makes me feel like the most beautiful person on the face of the planet, and he does a really bang up job of making me feel sexy, even now. But it drives me absolutely insane when he goes out with friends who happen to be girls. I can't even stand the thought. But I think I figured out why : because I don't get to spend the amount of time I want to with him, I'm insanely jealous that he'd spend any time with anyone other than me, especially another girl. I know this post isn't a surprise to him, we've talked about it in great detail before. I just don't know how to control it. I don't know how to control my jealousy, my insecurities, and my feelings of impending doom. Maybe it's my fear of abandonment? Maybe it's just as simple as I don't think it's appropriate for folks who are married to hang out alone with friends of the opposite sex? I don't know. But whatever it is drives me up the wall. I go all crazy, and I'm a raging ball of brown fur when he's out with any friend who happens to be a girl. Anybody got some advice? Been there?? ARE there?? Anything?? OR is this completely normal, and I'm not a nutball at all? Because I need to know.......either way. Let me have it, I can handle the truth.....I think.

And have you ever noticed how when you finally tell someone how you feel they clam up? When you tell someone that something they have been doing has been making you feel awful, it's all of a sudden your fault? And they refuse to speak to you? OR worse, they pretend like it doesn't bother them? I hate that. If I tell someone how I feel, it's because I want them to KNOW and I in turn want to know how they feel. DUH, or I wouldn't do it!! Right?? Gee, I don't know....maybe I should borrow a book from someone else's page and bottle it all up, keep it to myself until one day I juse explode with rage, and it all comes out in a single fell swoop? No thank you. And don't fault me for being honest. Don't fault me for being the same to your face as I am behind your back. I'm a genuine person. If I don't like the things you do in your life, I'm going to tell you. It's just in my nature. I am not good at hiding when there's a problem. Just ask anybody!!

By the way, Zoe is 8 months old today!!

Movie time with Mom and Dad...

We took Daniel to see "Cars" tonight. Here is my review :

The movie runs approximately 2 hours (but it feels like less). It's action-packed, touching, and a nice break from the every day routine. Daniel loved it. It lost his attention now and then, but the big bag of popcorn he was helping to eat kept him right on track!! :)

The voices of the cars are perfect. Mater, voiced by Larry the Cable Guy, is hilarious. It's not the typical LTCG routine, so it's very funny. I actually happen to think he's very funny. He manages to work his two signature lines into the movie. But he's funny because he's funny...I don't care who you are!

Doc is brilliant, but what else would you expect from Paul Newman??

Owen Wilson.....there couldn't have been a better vocal choice for Lightning than him.

Be prepared to really enjoy this movie. Be prepared to forget that these characters are vehicles. It's nice to see Disney/Pixar making a movie without someone's mom dying!

Check in later for an emotional catharsis post.....

Dallas World Aquarium

Today we went to the aquarium. It was great!!!! Daniel didn't want to leave. We saw all kinds of rainforest animals and tons of fish!! Some more pictures here.

Penguin :

Dementia

is the cruelest disease. No matter what it turns into, or is caused by, dementia is the cruelest disease. Not knowing who your loved ones are when you see them is awful, but watching family members change without them even knowing it has to be worse. We just finished a rotation at James L. West, which is an Alzheimer's Care facility here in Funky town. It was rewarding. It was sad. It was depressing. It was uplifting. It was interesting. And it was enlightening. I learned a lot, and I could actually see myself working there....scary huh? Not at all what I truly "want" to do, but it's something I could see myself making a career out of. I've always had a passion for Alzheimer's research and finding a cure..... Could James L. West be my future? I don't really know. I'll apply, but I'm not done searching for my true desires. I want to work with children. But if I can't, I'll love to work for and with the demented.

We made nurses' caps tonight out of poster board. It was a neat feeling, and I am more and more proud each day of who I am becoming..... It makes me smile.

Fastest 5 months of my life....

Since January life has flown by! Now it's the last day in May and I can't believe it. In 11 days Zoe will be 8 months old, Daniel will be 28 months old, and I'll be 26.5 years old. Plus it will be one month and 3 days until Michael turns 31! I'm in a state of shock. But then again my life feels back on track. Each day is a little better than the last. I'm feeling satan being pushed back and I know he won't be happy about it and he'll launch a full frontal attack again....he's already trying. The good news is : we have lots of folks praying for us and for strength to battle him back. If we're surrounded by God's Love and the Army of God, satan cannot get into our lives again.

Check out our family blog for some new pictures of the kids and the family! Tomorrow I'll blog a little about my experience today (I'm doing clinicals at James L. West now) and how it affects me.

A touch of Normalcy....

For the last several months my life has felt strange. Maybe it was starting back to School, maybe it was something else....who knows. All I know is, I have not felt like myself. And it has affected my life. Tonight, for the first time in ages I have felt right. I have felt like my life is spinning back onto its track. I'm optimistic again! I'm motivated again! I feel beautiful tonight. Not sure why, because I'm not even wearing make up! But Michael looked at me with a look I haven't seen in awhile, and my heart melted. Last night helped a lot too. We've resumed praying together before going to sleep. We pray and it seems like God was just waiting for us to simply ask. Once we asked, we received. He has already Blessed me immeasurably since this weekend. Unbelievable. I feel oddly at peace today. My heart isn't racing, my mind is not going crazy......I feel good today.

We grilled out tonight. It was great fun. Daniel played in the pool with Gege while Mimi, Bebe, Memaw, Daddy, Mommy, and Uncle Rodney watched on. Oh and Zoe didn't care for the cold water AT ALL!! She looked awfully cute in her little swimsuit and mohawk (like Daddy's). She loves being the center of attention.....and she's worth every minute of it. Daniel wanted her in the water with him so badly, and was sad when she cried. But he didn't let it get him down. Our digital camera was full so once my mom emails me the pics I'll post some. There have never been cuter children EVER....

All of this came together to make tonight a great night. And with the one exception this has been an incredible Anniversary weekend. satan may be fighting but I'm fighting back and that you-kinow-what isn't going to win!!

Thank you for the continued prayers....we sure can use them!

Please pray for me

Satan is in my life. Please pray that he leaves. Please.

Happy Anniversary

Happy 5 years, it seems like so much less!!!! I can't believe how unbelievable we are together. We are so in tune with one another it's uncanny. I miss him when I'm not with him, and I love him more than anything. I watch him with our kiddos and I'm amazed at the way he is with them.

Yesterday was our 5th year Anniversary. We went to the Rangers Game (they WON!!) last night as a present from Kay. It was awesome! It was fun to watch them win. Tonight we went to our Anniversary spot : Texas de Brazil. I'm stuffed. Just call me a jumbo shrimp! :)

Enough witty banter from me for one day. I had two Batidas at Texas de Brazil and my head feels a little light :)

Happy Anniversary to the love of my life.....

Buckleys

The 6th Annual Betty Lynn Buckley awards were held Monday night at Casa Manana. Michael and his kids were nominated for a School record NINE awards for "Children of Eden," including two nominations for Best Actor, a nomination for Best Actress, and a nomination for Best Musical. The evening started out with a bang....first award of the night was a Technical award : set design. Boom, Oakridge takes it! And so the night went, Oakridge cleaned up on the technical awards they were nominated for. Their performance of "Let There Be," the opening song of the show was amazing. They were dead on. It looked beautiful. They sounded amazing. It couldn't have gone better. The other shows were just silly in comparison. In fact, I only enjoyed one other performance and that was from "Big River" at North Crowley. The one we were all waiting for : Best Musical. And it was a tie!! Can you believe it? "Children of Eden" and "Big River!" The kids were thrilled, the parents were thrilled, we were thrilled, the administration present were thrilled. It was a great night!! I'm trying to locate the pictures of the event and when I do, I'll add them.

I have never been so proud of Michael. He did an amazing thing with those kids. He taught them things, he showed them things, he led them to experiences they may never have again. He wasn't here more than he was here. He was exhausted for months on end. He worked his tail off for no extra money. He and his kids had an amazing show, and the nominations echoed that. The win for Best Musical was bittersweet because it was shared. But, it's still a win. And for me, the times I spent missing him deeply, and wishing he was here and not up at School were almost worth it when that win was announced. I say almost, because no wife wants her husband gone so much, spending so much time with people who aren't their family. But the looks on those kids' faces when they all won was priceless, and it made me feel so proud. Congratulations, honey! I love you and we're all so proud of you and your accomplishments!!

Mom's Day(s)

Sunday was my third Mother's Day....it was fabulous. We had lunch at Memaw's with my Mom & Toby. Daniel played with their dog, Jipsy...he's still talking about it today! I received the most wonderful present from Michael....a new ring. It's kind of a long story, but since having 2 kids in as many years, my fingers have not been quite the way they used to be. My wedding day I was the thinnest I have ever been (or likely ever will be) and my wedding band is now a half size too small. After getting it stuck on my finger and having the threat of it being cut off I have not been able to get it back on. This is depressing to me. Michael knew this. So, to celebrate Mother's Day and our Anniversary (which is May 26th) he bought me this gorgeous ring. It's my "new" wedding band, and it's my new favorite possession! :) Here is a picture! (Ignore the fingernails...I can't seem to dedicate myself to "grooming" them!!)

And, for what's been going on in the lives of the Newberry clan :

We're finally all well. Zoe seems to have miraculously escaped the virus! How? I have no clue, because the rest of us were SO SICK!! Nursing school is great....my clinical site is fabulous, and I feel like I'm doing what I was put here to do. I've always felt that I was destined to be a mother....and I keep hearing that takig care of patients is like being their mother..."that's why they call it 'nursing'!" Hehe...appropriate for me, now :)

How's the weight loss? Going well I think....I'm TWO SIZES smaller than I was a year ago...granted, I was 3.5 mos pregnant with Zoe then, but still....I'm TWO SIZES smaller than I was two years ago, too! :) I feel good, and I'm "getting there" on the body image thing. There are some things I want to fix...and I will, but it'll be a matter of time. As of today my grand total weight loss since January (well, really since late April) is : 33 lbs!!! I can't believe it sometimes....so, does anyone know of a good plastic surgeon? :P

And, Daniel and Zoe...there have never been better children on the face of the planet. I'm serious. Daniel convinced me to let him "hold" Zoe the other day....here's a great picture of that event :

Best Mother's day gift.....EVER!!!!!!! :

THE BUG.....

Daniel's got it. Michael's got it (really badly, I might add). And I've got it...sort of. Daniel has woken up every morning since last Wednesday with either vomiting or diarrhea, or (like today) both. Michael fell ill very suddenly last night. I've had diarrhea today. Zoe had diarrhea yesterday, but just once. This is a sick little household. apparently, there is a really nasty virus going around and we all caught some degree of it....good for us, huh?