Sometimes It's A Quiet Whisper....

...And sometimes it's a shout. Without going into any identifiable detail (I don't want to violate any HIPAA rules), I want to tell you about an incredible experience I had yesterday. If you read my blog recently you're familiar with my feelings of inadequacy, turmoil, and self-pity. I found out yesterday that while I've been trying to do as the title of my blog says and Praise Him throughout the storm and maintain a positive outlook (and sometimes failing miserably), there is a very strong young man who is doing that very thing. And he's doing it with all the Grace of God. I met a young man (just a bit older than me) yesterday who suffers from an irreversible neurological disorder. Where most people would curse God, have pity parties, and even deny God's very existence, this young man has found that God is very real. He actually said, "I can't say this is the worst thing that's ever happened to me, in fact I might say it's the best thing that ever happened to me." He lives with his wife, step child, and gorgeous 2.5 year old son (whom I had the intense pleasure of meeting yesterday). Where many people would see a "disability" he sees an opportunity. An opportunity to spend days with his children. An opportunity to share God's love with people like me. An opportunity to find God around every corner. He doesn't wallow in self-pity, he doesn't blame God, he simply accepts and triumphs.

I realized something yesterday as I left his house. Self-pity is perhaps one of satan's greatest tools. After all, when we feel sorry for ourselves, it's very easy for Christians to turn and pump their fist at God in an angry manner and shout, "how DARE you allow this to happen to ME!" And we ask, "what have I done to deserve this?" And we even sometimes have the audacity to question God's love for us. We become petulant children, pouting in the time out corner of life, and feeling sorry for ourselves for that unfair parent scolding us. We feel somehow as though Grace is our right, our birthright, if you will. But Grace is a gift. Most parents I know don't give presents or gifts to their ungrateful and pouty misbehaving children, but God does. I would never dream of rewarding one of Daniel or Zoe's temper tantrums with an awesome new present. But God does. Every day, in small ways, He rewards His children for their perseverance. Even when we don't "deserve" it. Life isn't fair. And thank goodness that in life's unfairness God gives Grace freely even when we are acting like ungrateful, pouty toddlers.

George Strait has a great new song out called "I Saw God Today."

His fingerprints are everywhere
I just slow down to stop and stare
Open my eyes and man I swear,
I saw God today.

God's love should be evident to us every day in life's small things. A flower that is blooming unexpectedly in the midst of chaos. A fluffy white cloud that shades your children as they play outside. A beautiful butterfly that lands on the windowsill near where you're sitting. Your children catching and releasing lady bugs. A friend that calls (or leaves a comment on your blog/myspace/facebook) out of the blue, just to let you know they were thinking about you. Your children sharing with each other.

And God's love is evident even in the midst of everything. Even when we don't deserve it. Even when we have questioned His love for us. I have realized that God works miracles for us, when we least expect it. In our lowest moments, when He knows that we are at our breaking point, He uses our family and friends to reach out to us and hug us. He sends unexpected job offers. He sends old (and new!) friends your way. He sends a fuzzy bumblebee to buzz lazily along and make you smile. God even uses non-believers to reinforce His love for you.

The greatest tools God has used in my life lately are my children and my Memaw. My Memaw is the embodiment of Christ's Love. She loves me and forgives me over and over and over, especially when I don't deserve it. My children love me unconditionally, and though that could potentially change as they grow into teenagers, and I hope to model Christ's Love to them the same way Memaw has modeled it to me.

I just tried to utilize God's example when Zoe threw a fit just this minute. I have repeatedly asked her not to terrorize the cat. She did it again. I punished her, she cried (screamed really), and instead of further punishment I realized she had reached her breaking point (taking into account the fact that she doesn't feel well, she's only 2, and other environmental factors), and I scooped her up into my arms, held her close, whispered "I love you" into her ear, and rewarded her. I asked her if she would like to watch "Enchanted," and she immediately straightened her face said "yes!" with such joy on her face, hugged me, went over to the kitty and patted him on the head (gently, I must add), said "I sorry Mambo," and asked nicely for her Princess chair to watch her Princess movie. Wow. Even though it's NOTHING compared to the immeasurable gift of Grace, I still felt good. Sometimes giving a little gift to someone who doesn't "deserve" it feels really good.

So thank you, God. Thank you for your Grace that surpasses all understanding. Thank you for sticking with us even when we're ungrateful. Even when we wallow in self pity. Even when we dare to question your love for us. Thank you for constantly reminding us in your little (and BIG) ways that you DO love us, and that you DO feel pain when punishment is doled out. Thank you.