Why do we open ourselves up to the ultimate heartache? Why do we allow ourselves to become so wrapped up in someone that their tiniest of setbacks causes us to break down emotionally? Why is it that we seem unable to separate ourselves and our victories/losses from them and theirs? Why do we make a choice to bring a tiny, dependent, completely defenseless human being into this world? Why do we make a silent promise to that little baby to guide them, grow them, and teach them the right way to live? Why is it that some people are utterly incapable of making that commitment, yet they still bring children into this world? Why is it that you have to take special classes, pass tests, and become "licensed" before you can drive a car? But any jerk with a you-know-what can create a child...that just doesn't seem right to me.
It has become increasingly obvious to me that I am too emotional. I am driven almost solely by my emotions. I have rational thoughts, I have rational actions, and I listen to the logical side of my brain a lot. But when it comes to my family, I am a big ball of emotion. The tiniest of setbacks or defeats that my children have bring me to my knees. What am I going to do when they have true defeats? I am learning that I've got to get a grip on my emotions, get ahold of my feelings, and become a little more emotionally solid where my children are concerned. But how do I go about that?
Back to my questions of earlier : I know that I am Blessed beyond anything I could ever actually deserve. I have two healthy children, who are loving and kind. My husband and I are healthy, and we love each other, which is a big deal in this day and age. But when it comes to the opening up, voluntarily, to the possibility of being hurt....it's an awesome responsibility. I think it's unbelievable how much emotion is involved in raising a child. And the element of control is completely gone from us, and in the hands of other people. Ultimately, the control of things lies with our Heavenly Father, but being the control freak that I am I like to feel I have SOME control over some things in my life....and when you raise a child your heart is on the outside, it's right there for anyone to rip open. And you have no control over when someone breaks it. And, you realize that when your child's heart is broken, it breaks yours almost beyond repair. And some day, because people are people, our children will break our hearts. Not because they always set out to do it, but because it's human nature sometimes to do what you feel is in your best interest, and sometimes people get hurt. When you bring a child into this world, you're opening yourself up for the ultimate heartache. You're opening yourself up to someone breaking you in two on a daily basis. You become solely responsible for the well being of another human being. You take the weight of whatever troubles them onto yourself, because that's what makes a good parent. You hurt when they hurt. You cry when they cry. You rush to their aid, no matter where you are or what you're doing. Having children makes your life no longer your own. You are at someone else's beck and call. You don't realize all of this, of course, until you are face to face with that little, perfect, helpless, gorgeous person...the person you carried inside of you for nine months (or close to it), who is now outside the protection of your uterus. The person who is no longer protected from dangerous outside forces. And it is at that moment that your heart breaks for the first time. When you look into their unfocused eyes, who turn in your direction because yours is the voice they heard the most and your voice means comfort....you realize just how deeply you can love another person. And it is at that moment that you willingly relinquish the reins to your heart. You give yourself completely to that little baby, and you make promises you hope to goodness you can keep. And as that baby grows into an infant who crawls, a toddler who walks and then runs, and continues on into school years and adolescence...you pray. You pray that the things you've given them, the things you've taught them, the people you've watched them become will all be enough. That it will be enough to help them not just survive, but to prosper and to grow their own children.
So why? Why do we do it? Why do we open ourselves up on a daily basis to being hurt? Why do we take their defeats as our own, and celebrate their victories even harder than we do our own? Why do we willingly relinquish emotional control in our lives to these little bundles of energy?
Because.....nobody loves like a child. Nobody gives unconditionally of themselves like a child....Because nobody hugs like a child. Nobody's boo boos are more easily healed than a child's. Because in your child's eyes you are a hero. You can do no wrong, even when they tell you you're wrong. And we do it because without them in our lives, we would never be whole. We who are called to be parents do it because we understand that with great responsibility comes great reward. Sure, we open ourselves up to heartache....but those days of heartache might never come. And in those days where we are simply being, and loving, and joyful....life is perfect. And no matter what else is going on in our lives, when we look at our children we see true love....the real meaning of joy.....the way to live life to the fullest, each and every day. That is why we do it. Because we know that the risk is worth the reward, in more ways than one.
And we realize that without our children in our lives, the sun wouldn't shine as brightly, the rain wouldn't smell as sweet, the flowers wouldn't be quite as pretty, and the joy we feel would be significantly lessened. I believe children help the world seem less hopeless, and I love the way I feel when I look at my children.
Besides, without children who would we watch Disney movies with?
It has become increasingly obvious to me that I am too emotional. I am driven almost solely by my emotions. I have rational thoughts, I have rational actions, and I listen to the logical side of my brain a lot. But when it comes to my family, I am a big ball of emotion. The tiniest of setbacks or defeats that my children have bring me to my knees. What am I going to do when they have true defeats? I am learning that I've got to get a grip on my emotions, get ahold of my feelings, and become a little more emotionally solid where my children are concerned. But how do I go about that?
Back to my questions of earlier : I know that I am Blessed beyond anything I could ever actually deserve. I have two healthy children, who are loving and kind. My husband and I are healthy, and we love each other, which is a big deal in this day and age. But when it comes to the opening up, voluntarily, to the possibility of being hurt....it's an awesome responsibility. I think it's unbelievable how much emotion is involved in raising a child. And the element of control is completely gone from us, and in the hands of other people. Ultimately, the control of things lies with our Heavenly Father, but being the control freak that I am I like to feel I have SOME control over some things in my life....and when you raise a child your heart is on the outside, it's right there for anyone to rip open. And you have no control over when someone breaks it. And, you realize that when your child's heart is broken, it breaks yours almost beyond repair. And some day, because people are people, our children will break our hearts. Not because they always set out to do it, but because it's human nature sometimes to do what you feel is in your best interest, and sometimes people get hurt. When you bring a child into this world, you're opening yourself up for the ultimate heartache. You're opening yourself up to someone breaking you in two on a daily basis. You become solely responsible for the well being of another human being. You take the weight of whatever troubles them onto yourself, because that's what makes a good parent. You hurt when they hurt. You cry when they cry. You rush to their aid, no matter where you are or what you're doing. Having children makes your life no longer your own. You are at someone else's beck and call. You don't realize all of this, of course, until you are face to face with that little, perfect, helpless, gorgeous person...the person you carried inside of you for nine months (or close to it), who is now outside the protection of your uterus. The person who is no longer protected from dangerous outside forces. And it is at that moment that your heart breaks for the first time. When you look into their unfocused eyes, who turn in your direction because yours is the voice they heard the most and your voice means comfort....you realize just how deeply you can love another person. And it is at that moment that you willingly relinquish the reins to your heart. You give yourself completely to that little baby, and you make promises you hope to goodness you can keep. And as that baby grows into an infant who crawls, a toddler who walks and then runs, and continues on into school years and adolescence...you pray. You pray that the things you've given them, the things you've taught them, the people you've watched them become will all be enough. That it will be enough to help them not just survive, but to prosper and to grow their own children.
So why? Why do we do it? Why do we open ourselves up on a daily basis to being hurt? Why do we take their defeats as our own, and celebrate their victories even harder than we do our own? Why do we willingly relinquish emotional control in our lives to these little bundles of energy?
Because.....nobody loves like a child. Nobody gives unconditionally of themselves like a child....Because nobody hugs like a child. Nobody's boo boos are more easily healed than a child's. Because in your child's eyes you are a hero. You can do no wrong, even when they tell you you're wrong. And we do it because without them in our lives, we would never be whole. We who are called to be parents do it because we understand that with great responsibility comes great reward. Sure, we open ourselves up to heartache....but those days of heartache might never come. And in those days where we are simply being, and loving, and joyful....life is perfect. And no matter what else is going on in our lives, when we look at our children we see true love....the real meaning of joy.....the way to live life to the fullest, each and every day. That is why we do it. Because we know that the risk is worth the reward, in more ways than one.
And we realize that without our children in our lives, the sun wouldn't shine as brightly, the rain wouldn't smell as sweet, the flowers wouldn't be quite as pretty, and the joy we feel would be significantly lessened. I believe children help the world seem less hopeless, and I love the way I feel when I look at my children.
Besides, without children who would we watch Disney movies with?
1 comment:
Thank you for the prayers!!
Yes, I did get the e-mail and I am sorry I have not called-I am headed to Lubbock for a few days for a job opportunity, but when I get back I will give you a call so we can hang!!
Love the post...um, is it alright if you watch Disney movies by yourself and you do not have any kids? ;)
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