There comes a time.....

In every person's life (I'm convinced this is true) when they look in a mirror and think "Man, I really can't stand what I see looking back at me!" And I know it's not always about weight, but for me....it is. As a person who struggled with eating disorders when I was younger it's incredibly difficult for me to get across just what kind of cloud I've been living under since Daniel was born. When you gain 100 pounds in less than a year, and your skin is stretched to the limits and left hanging, when your boobs sag, when your belly looks like the Amazon River Basin (despite your best Vitamin E, stretch mark cream, and cocoa butter efforts) it's hard to raise your spirits. I guess that might sound terribly materialistic to some of you, but it's not. If you're one of the very genetically Blessed on this earth and you don't have stretch marks from pregnancies then you don't know what I'm talking about. Unfortunately, for me stretch marks were more about genetics than anything I did (or didn't do). But I digress....

I've been living a lie for several years now. I guess I thought "what's the point" since I'd gained so much weight with Daniel why would I work hard to get the weight off? Only to gain more when I was pregnant with Zoe. I guess I came to the early realization when I started school last year. I did manage to lose quite a bit of weight last year, with minimal effort. But it's been a sliding and bumpy roller coaster of weight gain/weight loss/weight gain/weight loss...etc..etc...

Fast Forward to a few weeks ago.....I honestly haven't ever *really* been one to judge myself by some other person, but I saw myself in a mirror AS another person, and I hated what I saw. I saw a fat, lazy, unhealthy person. I saw every flaw. I saw every fold. I saw every stretch mark as though it were outlined in permanent ink. And I realized something.....that person in the mirror is NOT who I am! I am a vibrant, loving, kind (I hope!), healthy MOM. And it's time the exterior got a facelift (and a tummy tuck??)....so I stepped up to my own secret challenge, and thus far I'm doing really well.

I started NutriSystem on Monday, I've worked out nearly every day since last Friday. Today at our gym I stepped onto a scale, exactly one week after I stepped on that same scale....and ta-da! Through my hard work I've melted off 6 pounds. My clothes fit better. I FEEL better. I feel like I'm *not-so-slowly* transforming my exterior into one I'm proud to show the world. I'm making the "outside match the inside," so to speak. And I'm loving every minute of it!

I also realized today, while eating a VERY healthy lunch with my family at Freebird's World Burrito (ask me how later) that in the process of doing this, I'm learning a very valuable lesson. As much of a control freak as I am, and as much control over my life as I've given to God....THIS is the one thing He has given me control over. He has put it in my hands and it's up to me to decide where I go from here. I think I'm doing really well putting one foot in front of the other, taking baby steps, and praising myself when I accomplish feats....and patting myself on the back when I get "off track" and running to get back on track. I CAN do it, and I AM doing it!!

By the way, I actually adore my stretch marks (well, that's a "stretch" - haha!) I see them as battle scars, and I'm ok with having them.....for now. At least until there's a laser powerful enough to scrub them off permanently!! :)

A Bird Salad with chicken, no cheese, very little rice, black beans, loads of lettuce and fresh plus roasted veggies, TONS of lime juice, and the yummy green mild sauce makes a VERY TASTY VERY HEALTHY LUNCH!!!