Is God the same yesterday, today and tomorrow?

I've been pondering this of late, because I have had a semi-difficult time reconciling the God of the Old Testament (who appears angry, vengeful, and jealous) with Jesus and how He is portrayed in the New Testament (giving, loving, sometimes righteously angry, but never vengeful).

So I asked my Pastor his thoughts on this, and he introduced me to something called "Open Theology" which is interesting to me, and the more I read the more I like it.

But then I started thinking, what if Jesus (as the Son of God) was just a little bit different and more "open minded" than his Dad? Doesn't that sometimes happen in families? But then I remind myself "silly, Jesus IS God....He was just Word made Flesh." But I get confused again (easy to do, I know) because the Bible states that Jesus sits at the Right Hand of God....so does that mean that since Jesus was born into this world as a man that when He died, was resurrected, and then went up to Heaven that He is a separate person from God? And as Christians we still worship GOD, but we believe our Salvation is through Jesus Christ. Or am I totally off base?

So my question is this : we worship GOD, His son is Jesus. In the Old Testament God was a very, very angry God. In the New Testament Jesus preaches to love they neighbor....so which is it? I guess my confusion doesn't end there but my thoughts will for today. Anybody got any thoughts? Surely I'm not the only person who feels this way?

Fevers

Poor baby Daniel, he is running a fever of 101.6 because of all those nasty teeth coming in (4 molars, two bottom eye teeth, and two top canines) all at once!!!! We gave him some Tylenol and he went to bed very easily. What stinks is I cannot call into work tomorrow to take care of him or I'll get fired. How's that for job security? Unfortunately, now they place me in a position of having to choose work over my family simply because I HAVE to have that job! No job, no insurance (not to mention no money).

UGH I hate having to work.

Before My Very FIRST (and LAST) haircut by MOMMY

Look how LONG his hair was!!  It was straightening out so badly that I had to cut it because it was in his eyes.  Needless to say, I will NEVER, EVER, EVER cut his hair again!!  It was too traumatic for me!

Before the first hair cut (again)

He looks like he knows what I'm about to do, doesn't he?

Getting a haircut from Mommy

Ok so I am certain that I will never, ever, ever cut his hair again. I got it too short, and though it's cute on him, we call him "Caesar" because of the way I cut it....a little Caesar-esque!

The ZOO.....

Daniel and I made a trip to one of our favorite places today.....the FW ZOO!! He loves that place!! So much so that we bought a zoo pass so we can go as much as we want and it just cost us $50 (which we have more than made up in the number of visits). Kids under 3 are free, so he's free anyway and with our Zoo Pass we can get a visitor in for $3 off. Besides that it's 10% off at all the vendors!! So if you invest in a souvenir cup you get a soda refill for $1.74 with tax!! That's really NOT bad, considering that a regular soda is $1.99 without tax!

So today at the Zoo was apparently "summer camp" day. Talk about annoying. I am convinced that the majority of children who attend those summer camps have parents who would rather be doing ANYTHING but raising children. I know that is a huge generalization, but these kids at the Zoo today were RUDE. They kept running into us, they would walk 15 across the sidewalk, blocking the entire way and we couldn't get past without saying "excuse me," and getting dirty looks not only from the children, but also from their SPONSORS!! What in the world?? Today wasn't even Wednesday (half price day) so I don't know what was up with all the people.

On an upside, we had an odd encounter at the Parrot Paradise Exhibit. There was an older German couple who talked to Daniel....in German! He thought they were fascinating. The woman was in a Rascal, and the man was standing in his odd fishing hat. I don't know what they were saying to Daniel, but he obviously enjoyed it! He was babbling right back at them.

Our favorite exhibit : the kitties (aka the lions) was packed today with little children screaming "WAKE UP" at the lions, who were sleeping (duh). We just kept walking.....I felt so sorry for those poor sleeping kitties.

Our Zoo friends (Caleb and Owen) weren't able to go since it was such short notice, but we're always looking for more Zoo friends to join us. If you're interested let us know!! We try to go once a week.....if we can :)

Ah VBS....

VBS started tonight.....it was awesome! We had lots of kids in attendance and it was phenomenal!! Can't wait for tomorrow....stay tuned for me to update this entry with more VBS wisdom but for now I am exhausted.

OK so, here is the VBS update.

Night One : fabulous. It was great and the kids LOVED it when baby Moses was floating down the river. They weren't even paying attention to the crocodiles (especially the fat one that messed up----me!!).

Night Two : greatness. A little on the short side, but all in all it went really well! I think everyone was even in step at Jethro's Dance Party!

Tonight is Night Three.....the longest night by far, and should be entertaining for the kiddos -- what with the plagues (aka the Disco Remix) which is always entertaining. Especially the frogs.

I am getting misty eyed and sad thinking about VBS coming to an end, because we got to know so many interesting people and I'm afraid we won't keep that connection after it's over. I hate that. Hopefully, though, we can continue to build on those relationships and form lasting friendships!

Silver Linings

They say that every cloud has a silver lining. Well, try finding something positive about being big, fat and pregnant in the summertime in Texas. Go ahead, I dare ya!

Well, I discovered one good thing : SNO CONES!!!! When I was pregnant with Daniel I was only a little pregnant during sno cone season. But now....I am going to be able to have a sno cone for pretty much my entire pregnancy!

I had my first (TWO) sno cones of the season tonight! We got them at "Floppy's" here in Burleson. Here's the great thing about Floppys...if you buy a medium or a large you get a FREE kid's size cone! So I bought a large Hurricane flavor and got a free kid's DILL PICKLE (my favorite flavor!!). I ate the whole hurricane and half of the dill pickle. Michael had cola flavored. They were fabulous. The other plus side to Floppy's : they have a punch card!!

I can't wait to try Limp Willie's in the next couple of days...

We are going to bed.....I'll blog about VBS all-day rehearsal later!

Cars.....why can't they never break down?

I mean it! Why can't cars be built to last a lifetime like they used to be? You see so many cars built in the late 80s - early 90s that are in worse shape than cars built in the 30s, 40s, and 50s!! I wonder what that says about our work ethic in the past few decades? It's interesting to me that things used to be built to never wear out, and now they are built to wear out in a few years.

And it's not just cars! I have an iron that needs to be replaced because it has a short in the switch and doesn't always stay turned on. It's more expensive to FIX the one I have than it is to buy a brand new, top of the line iron!

Why is this? Why do things wear out so quickly? Is it so that when the manufacturer comes out with the "bigger, better" model we not only WANT to buy it, but we really HAVE to buy it? That's my theory. And I'm sticking to it.

But back to cars. After 5 years a car is on its downhill slide. OF course you have the car paid off, and it's definitely out of all possible warranties. And it never fails but right when you are several hundred miles PAST your factory bumper to bumper warranty you have a major malfunction that, had it happened only a few hundred miles earlier, would not have cost you anything to fix!

Brakes are a different story. It's interesting to me that Michael's car has NEVER had brake work done and it's more than twice the age of mine. MY car, however, needs brake repairs....ASAP. We're taking it in today to get it fixed. But my question is this : why my car? I don't ride the brakes, I don't slam my brakes on, I don't over-use my brakes! I don't tailgate on the freeway, I don't drive with one foot on the brake and one on the accelerator pedal! So, I submit to you : it is because my car is newer. Because my car is newer, more parts are going to wear out sooner on mine than they will on his. Just because FORD wants me to buy the biggest, baddest, newest model they have. I just want to say to them : Hey, I LOVE my Focus Wagon! I really, really do!! I want to keep it forever, so can you please turn off the mechanism that regulates when things go wrong?

I guess it's up to me to do my part : routine maintenance, frequent oil changes, and taking good care of the parts that DO wear out (tires, and BRAKES).

"Ma Ma"

Those two syllables hold more power over me than I ever, ever imagined. Luckily for me, Daniel does not yet know the imminent power he holds when he utters those two little sounds...."ma ma." But he is beginning to understand. Now at night, when he is going to sleep he cries "Ma Ma!" and I try my hardest not to immediately come running. But it is hard. Perhaps the hardest thing ever, because I always give in. I think he's starting to notice.

There really is nothing better than hearing your child call for you, and KNOW that they know what they are saying. In the words of Crush "oh it's awesome jelly man."

Oh and By the way.....

I was going to scan in the sono pics to show you but I haven't hooked the scanner up yet....bear with me!


But, in the meantime I guess I'll let you know : we're 98% sure we're having a ....


LITTLE GIRL!!!!!!

She was so demure, she kept her little legs crossed the entire sonogram on Wednesday! But since DR Motley had gotten a really good look at her bottom last week, and she was 98% sure then that the baby was a girl, and then the sono tech said she saw parts that looked "suspiciously girly," we are saying GIRL!!

It's exciting!

Just reminds me to take it one day at a time

Grandparents.......a reflection

I never met my Paternal Grandparents. But, from what I've heard I wouldn't have liked them very much. My Paternal Grandmother was a hard woman, she was hard to please and she was hard on those she loved. All I know is they never made an effort to visit me while I was growing up, therefore I was never exposed to them and their world.

But my Maternal Grandparents....now there is a horse of a different color. I was actually raised by them. Not because of a tragic passing of my parents, but because circumstances dictated that I would be better off living with them. What an adventure.

Every summer, without fail, we would take a family vacation. Most times the trip would be to California. And we nearly always drove. My Papa hated to fly, so he avoided it whenever possible. (I suppose that is where I get my need to be in control at all times -- from Papa.) But one summer we went to South Dakota. I LOVED South Dakota. I'm not really sure how old I was, but I remember that we stopped at a Mammoth dig (it was in a museum, I believe) and I wanted so badly to return and work there when I was old enough! We went on to Mount Rushmore, saw the Black Hills, and panned for gold! We even saw Crazy Horse Monument in it's REALLY early stages. (We have a picture of a sign that says "to be completed 1997" -- what is so funny is it wasn't completed in 1997 and it isn't completed now!) I had the best time ever on that trip. I vow to take my own family up there and experience it together. My Papa and I had always wanted to return to see Crazy Horse when it was finished.

My Great-Grandparents (Memaw's parents) were second Grandparents to me. They lived in San Diego with pretty much the rest of our family. We stayed with them each summer when we were out there. I have such wonderful memories of their quaint little house in the mountains of Harbison Canyon (just outside El Cajon). I never had a bad time in California, and I have them to thank for that. They taught me what family means, by showing me that it's more than just a name. They showed me how to love unconditionally and whoever I am today is because of the influence they had on my life. They were both very Godly people, who attended Church regularly, and devoted a certain time each morning to a devotional together. What amazing, amazing people.

And it is true what they say, that you never realize what you have until it is gone. For me, when Mary Carnelia Loftis (my great-grandmother) was diagnosed with Alzheimer's (it was shortly after the passing of my great-grandfather, Ishmael Worth (I.W.) Loftis in August 1998), it shook the family's world. But my uncles Farrell and Stanley each shouldered the responsibility, once Grandmommy was no longer able to live on her own, of caring for her in their own homes. Eventually she went to a nursing facility in Lemon Grove, California where she passed away one morning in January 2003. She was 92, I believe. My Grandpapa, when he died, was in his 80's and fell off of the roof he was working on and broke his back. He died from complications resulting from that fall and subsequent pneumonia. I miss them both so much, but treasure the thought that one day I will be reunited with them, and we will never part again.

My Papa died February 26, 2002 -- 9 months to the day after he gave my hand in marriage to Michael. At the end of May 2003, Memaw and I had to put Prince (our dachshund who lived to be 17) down. That same month, Michael and I found out we were expecting our first child. Daniel Kenneth was born February 12, 2004. We gave him my Papa's name as his middle name, to honor the man who brought so much joy into my life. There is not a day that goes by that I do not think about him, and the things he taught me to do. He taught me to shoot a shotgun, a rifle, a pistol, and he taught me all about gun safety. He taught me to drive his 1982 Ford Bronco. He taught me the importance of sitting on a tailgate with family and friends, sharing a cold drink and telling stories. He taught me that you don't have to tell someone you love them for them to know that they do. He taught me that you never judge a book by its cover. He taught me the importance of keeping sharp knives on hand, and how to handle them safely. He showed me the true value of friendship. He taught me about loyalty. He taught me that a man's word is his bond. He taught me that it is important to keep up with your car's maintenance (and why). He showed me the fun there can be in spitting watermelon seeds at your Memaw. He showed me that even putting a TV stand together can bring a family closer. I sure to miss him. Every single day, every time I am with Daniel I miss my Papa. I wish I could have seen the moments they would have had together.

Everything I am and have today I owe to my Grandparents. I pray fervently that God will allow my Memaw to remain here with us for years and years and years. I want my children to KNOW this phenomenal woman I have come to treasure. But more on her later!

Vacation Bible School....how's it going?

Well, I would say VBS is going great. I really mean it, too. I am excited for the little ones to see it, I just pray that we can all remember why we are doing what we're doing. It's not about US, after all.

Rehearsals are going well, and thankfully my job did not object to giving me all of the nights off (or we would have come to fisticuffs). Rehearsal every night this week except Friday and I'm (unfortunately) going to miss tonight's rehearsal because I have to work :(

Resuming tomorrow, after our sonogram!!! YIPPEE!!!!!

I hate my job

Seriously, seriously hate it. And it's not the JOB itself, but the stuff that goes along with it. I cannot stand being spoken to like I am a five year old, or that I am "below" someone else. I do not like the rude customers who come into the store and treat me like I'm their servant. I cannot stand it when I work with people who do nothing all day long, and leave everything for me to do. I cannot stand when the managers spend the entire day in the office, leaving the staff to fend for themselves.

I wish I could just quit, or at the very least go away for several months and then go back. If only I could....

I just keep praying and praying and praying that something better will come along and I'll be able to leave.

Daddy's Home!

YAY!! Everyone can relax and rejoice now, Daddy is finally HOME. Daniel is happy, and so am I! (So is Michael, truth be told....NYC is great but he was ready to come home.)

His flight was delayed almost 2 hours yesterday, but thankfully it wasn't cancelled (in fact, it was one of only 2 flights to make it out of La Guardia to DFW yesterday...the rest were cancelled, and the other was delayed nearly 7 hours).

Another Blessing : Daniel slept late this morning....I think it's honestly the latest he's ever, ever slept. He woke up at 10 am. WOW.

It's 13 minutes until 10 and he's in the process of falling asleep right now.

I have to work tomorrow from 11-4 (big surprise, huh) so I hope he sleeps in and gives his parents some more much needed rest.

Why can't anything ever be simple?

I woke up this morning feeling worse than I've felt since I got pregnant. My bladder hurts (I have a bladder infection) and all I want to do is stay in bed. So, I called work to tell them that I can't make it in. I cannot believe the response I received "Well, it is imperative that you be here. I think you need to find an alternative and be here." What alternative am I supposed to find? Seriously, this is ridiculous. Yes, I missed some work back when I had severe morning sickness but I ALWAYS go to the DR and get a note. I know what's wrong with me today -- my bladder infection. Guess what, I was just at the DR a couple of days ago and there is no need for me to go back.

Why is it that there are people up there who can call in for no reason whatsoever and they don't get the third degree, and they don't get second-guessed. It makes me so angry I could just spit. I really dislike that place and how they run it. I hate the fact that family is supposed to be important, yet when you ask for certain days off to be with your family, they balk. I hate when you ask them not to schedule you every weekend, every weekend day....and they do it anyway. I hate that they are "requiring" me to work on Sundays, when they read the full time requirements to me and it says "open availability on two of the three weekend days (Friday-Sunday)" and they won't take me saying that I can't work on Sundays. I've also made it clear that if they ever ask me to choose between God/Family and work, the choice is clear, and I'll tell them hasta la vista. NOBODY has the right to come between me and my Spiritual life, or my family.

But I digress, which I like to do apparently. The manager told me he was going to call me back. That was over an hour ago. I'm thinking about calling him back and telling him that calling me won't do any good, that I can't make it in and I'll take the silly written warning. Hopefully God will remove this obstacle from my life and place something much better in its place (something that is NOT an obstacle, I hope).

Save some time for dreaming....

Man it's either pregnancy hormones on overdrive, or that Carly Simon song from "Pooh's Heffalump Movie" is REALLY touching ("Little Mr Roo"). I always cry, and right now Daniel is watching the movie and that song is on.....Here are some of the lyrics :

Little Mr Roo, reaching for the moon
Don't grow up too fast, too soon.
Save some time for dreaming...

And it makes me think : do we EVER save time for dreaming? I mean, really dreaming? I'm talking the whole enchilada : the whole shebang : the big dreams. I don't. But I'm going to start.

I have dreams for my children. But I don't want them to grow up with MY dreams, I want them to grow up with their OWN dreams. For example, I'd love Daniel to become a Major League Baseball player....but only if that's what he wants to do. I'd prefer it if he didn't play football, because that scares me too much. (Besides, as his Daddy has pointed out, the only pro sport where the money is guaranteed is pro baseball!)

I suppose my biggest dream for myself would be : to become a trainer at Sea World....it's been my dream every since I was a little girl. I wish I could get a job there, quit working at Old Navy and start working at Sea World. How cool would that be? I guess I could look into it, but it's a fur piece to San Antonio....or San Diego......or Orlando! Maybe if Sea World comes to a city near me....

Ah, well. For now I shall stick to the practical dreams : a clean house, well behaved children, and a healthy marriage. I guess you could say I dream about things that I can attain....I can't be one of those fanciful dreamers anymore.

If Patience is a virtue, I'm afraid I'm not very virtuous

So here is my day today (get ready, it was annoying)

7:00 am -- wake up because Daniel was stirring....go back to sleep when he does

8:30 am -- finally get up because Daniel is awake, talking, and ready to get up for the day (not sure why exactly because he went to bed at 10 last night!)....upon getting up I realize that I am in tremendous pain....lower right abdomen. I think, "huh the nurse never called me back yesterday I better call again." So I do.

9:00 am -- breakfast (scrambled eggs, cheerios, and milk -- I get the leftovers!)

9:45 am -- call the DR again because it's been an hour since I last called, they tell me the nurse still isn't in and that the DR won't be in until 1...so I wait.

11:45 am -- go have lunch with Memaw

1:00 pm -- call the DR back because I STILL hadn't heard from the nurse. Put on hold, they come back and tell me that I had an appt scheduled YESTERDAY for noon today! I say "Gee, it sure would have been nice if someone had let ME know!" They tell me to get there as quickly as possible, and assure me I won't have to wait long.

1:40 pm -- arrive at DR office and check in.

3:00 pm -- yes , you read that right....I finally get back into the exam room, the nurse (who is training a new person) takes my weight (no gain, no loss! YAY!), urine check, blood pressure, then I wait....

3:44 pm -- the DR comes in and we talk about my pain issues, then we talk about the nobody calling me to inform me of my appt issues....she assures me she will handle it. She leaves to check another patient and test my urine...

4:10 pm -- I get moved to the sono room so the DR can sono me. She comes in at 4:15 and says "you have a bladder infection!" Great. She does a sonogram to check the baby, to check my scar, and to make sure everything is still A-OK, which THANK GOD it was!

5:00 pm -- I leave the DR office. I am supposed to be at work right now, but I've already called and they are OK with it.

5:40 pm -- I arrive at work. Yuck.

10:20 pm -- I leave work. Yay.

10:28 pm -- arrive home and vacuum the carpet, put away dishes, start dishwasher, and start some laundry.

11:04 pm -- get online to check email and write this entry

11:07 pm -- take a shower

11:15 pm -- crash out because I have to be BACK at work at 8 in the morning, work until 2:30 then be at Church at 7 for VBS rehearsal. In between 2:30 and 7 I have to cook dinner, finish laundry, and get some more clutter cleared out.

All in all, a pretty trying day.

Why can't DRs just call you back?

Seriously, I'm 19 weeks and 1 day pregnant, and I've been ignored for two days straight now. I'm in serious pain this morning in my right side (where my round ligaments are) and I'm not concerned about the baby -- I've been feeling *her* squirm and squirm all night! I'm concerned about ME....it's not normal to have this much pain because I didn't have the pain with Daniel. I guess maybe it is normal for 2nd pregnancies...but who knows.

Anyway, if I don't hear from her in the next half hour then I'm calling back and making my own appointment. Today is the only DAY I have off....I have to be at work at 5 and the other four days this week I open.

My baby is growing up :(

I guess I should be excited that he's growing and maturing, and I am...don't misunderstand me! It's just that it's so hard to watch him gaining all this Independence. He's just started this "frowning" thing, where he dips his head low and frowns at you. And he cracks himself up answering every question with "no."

In fact, that is our favorite pre-bedtime ritual : "Daniel, do you want to go nite-nite?" "No." We all crack up. This gets repeated several times until all of our sides are aching from the laughter. Finally we say "Daniel, it's time for nite-nite." Then we get our bath, diapered, pajamas, teeth brushed, and rocked.

Well, at least we used to get rocked. Recently he has decided that he would rather lay in bed and talk to himself and go to sleep on his own than be rocked to sleep. I KNOW I KNOW, I should be thankful....but I'm not. I'm miserable, because my "baby" no longer wants to be rocked to sleep. I suppose child psychologists would say he is a healthy, well-adjusted child who feels comfort in his surroundings, and is so confident in the fact that I'll be there for him that he is willing and able to go to sleep on his own. Well, that makes me feel really, really good. But it doesn't change the fact that I'm miserable because I want to rock him to sleep. I do, however, take solace in the fact that he still wants to be rocked to sleep at naptime.

And since Michael is in NYC until Friday I'm lonely and miserable at night (no time to be lonely during the day...Old Navy has me working waaaaay too much this week!) and it doesn't help that my son won't sleep in the big bed with me. Again, I KNOW I should be thankful that he won't but sometimes you just need a snuggle buggle and you can't find one.

Vacation Bible School.....Oh yeah it's back.

So, after two years being "away" from VBS at Church, we're back. And I have to say : I am so glad that we are. You never realize how much you miss something until it isn't there. I guess part of me wanted to remain bitter and hostile about having "my" ministry taken away from me, but I realized that God just had bigger plans in mind for me!

So this year is "Moses..." and Michael is back as Moses, which he's nervous about because he's been having some vocal troubles (I think he sounds lovely, but what do I know). It starts on Father's Day (June 19th for those of you who don't know) and it promises to be an interesting one! We've got a new Children's Minister and she's doing a fabulous job, especially for it being her "first time" doing VBS. The cast is great, and everyone seems to be getting along....if only they'd all show up every night!

I guess what I missed the most about VBS was the bonding you tend to do with the other cast members. You get to know people that you might not ordinarily "hang out" with, and you realize how truly awesome people can be.

All I can say is I'm sure glad to be back. And I can't even say "finally," because it's all been in God's timing.

Lonely Hearts Club

So, Michael went to NYC this morning.......what a drag. We got up at 4 to get him to the airport by 5:30 and it's a good thing we did.....got rained/hailed/you name it on the way over there!! And the way back. It was miserable!!

On the plus side, Daniel had a 4 hour nap when we got home, which allowed me to take a nap as well!

NIIIIICE

I just hate being by myself at night.