Sunday, July 23, 2006

Complete and Utter Sadness....

If you have never breastfed a baby, disregard this post. For those of you who read my blog and have breastfed, you know what I'm about to say. Two things : first, Daniel is almost 2 and a half. He stopped nursing at 14 months, because I was pregnant with Zoe and it was causing me to leach calcium from my bones to supply the milk...not good mum, not good. He's HUGE...39 inches tall, and growing every day. When I hold him, I realize just how big he's getting and it makes me cry. He's no longer my precious baby boy who said and did such adorable things. He is becoming a big boy! And it breaks my heart. Now we zoom in on Zoe : she's 9 months, almost 9.5, and she is trying to stop breastfeeding. I CAN'T STAND IT, I spend nights crying about it. I still pump twice a day, but it's just not the same and I wonder "why bother," because she's getting adequate nutrition from formula. Now don't get all uptight, I think formula is great for some folks, but I never thought it was for MY kids. I wanted, no I NEEDED, to go to a year with Zoe. But here we are, staring almost 10 months in the face and we're going to have to stop. It hurts so badly that at times I cannot breathe. I feel like a failure, I feel as though I'm letting my baby girl down, and I'm giving up and giving in. She deserves better she deserves me to fight...but how much harder can I fight??? I'm doing everything I know to do, and yet I can't keep up with her. And I'm tired of fighting, it takes so much energy that I have none left to do anything else. It's coming down to poop or get off the pot on this, because we have to make some adjustments and decisions. ANY suggestions would help....any "been there, done that" stories to share?? Anybody got secrets other than Fenugreek, Mother's Milk Tea, and Blessed thistle?? I'm listening!!!!

1 comment:

Jenn said...

this could very likely be a latching issue. it is easier, or "less work" to get something from a bottle than from the breast. alot of women have this problem when they return to work. if you breastfed longer than most women it might not necessarily come up until later. sounds to me like she is just getting used to the bottle. i had the same problem with mclaine because i was pregnant with ij as far as having to quit sooner than i would have liked. but my recommendation, having breast fed all three of my babies and having participated in several breast feeding workshops, is to breast feed more often. i know, i know, not necessarily easy. when this came up for us, i would do it in the morning, when i first woke up, before shower. shower, have breakfast then again before i left, then as soon as i got home from work. again in the evening and again at bedtime. it should only take about 10 to 15 minutes. and it only took a couple of weeks of this to get her used to having to "work" again. the bottle is just too easy for them sometimes.