Bye Bye 2005

And good riddance. There were so many things that happened this year. Most were bad. Is that how it will seem every year now that I'm "grown?" I spent the whole year pregnant. Kind of trippy, when I look back on it....with Daniel I was pregnant into a new year. I wasn't pregnant in 2004, but I did give birth. Now I was pregnant AND gave birth in '05. Weird.

To Joanie : thank you for the kind words of support --- you'll never know what they meant to me.

To everyone who reads : I hope you have a happy, healthy, BLESSED 2006 where nothing bad happens to you, or to anyone you know or love.

Post Christmas Blues

I feel empty inside. I always feel this way after Christmas. I got in my car today for the first time with the radio on....KVIL and KLTY aren't playing Christmas music anymore. It made me sad. I don't know what it is about Christmas music that makes me happy. You can't be upset while listening to it, it doesn't encourage road rage, and the words aren't difficult to understand. Plus, they all have meanings. I like music like that. It was surprising not to hear it.

The toys have been opened. They're strewn about on our living room floor. I look around bewildered, because he has so many new toys. I can't get rid of any of the old ones, though because Zoe's gotta grow into them. Next year, though, we'll have to give some to people who need them.

The food is sort of gone. We have ham and sausage balls left. I miss the food. Mostly I miss the togetherness that comes from family on Holidays.

I miss my Papa. I always get so sad this time of year, because he and I were the biggest Christmas fans you'll ever find. And now my Christmas buddy is gone. I could always count on Papa to ignore all presents after the first one that had an owner's manual with it. Didn't matter whose toy it was, if it was electronic and had a manual with it, Papa wanted to see it. And the manual. He'd read the manual cover-to-cover before attempting to assemble whatever the thing was. He'd have had a blast this year with Daniel's toys. Seems like everything takes batteries, and/or requires adult assembly. I look at my kids and I weep, because there are so many special people in our families that they will not get to meet. It's difficult to understand how our loved ones can be taken from us, and at Christmas it's especially hard to be thankful they're in Heaven and not here with us. When Zoe was born, I went through the pain all over again. My Papa, who raised me as his own, would have loved my children. He would have treated them like he treated me. He would have taken them hunting (not necessarily to hunt anything, but just to spend time with him), he would have taught them about how Ford is better than Chevy, he would have taken them to the gun range, he would have told them stories, he would have taken them on vacation (always driving, never flying), we would have gotten to go back to South Dakota to see if the Crazy Horse monument is completed yet, he would have shown them off to his buddies. These are things my kids will miss out on, because Papa isn't here. I don't really blame anyone, it's nobody's fault. But that doesn't make it any easier.

And I feel badly for my Memaw. As difficult as it is for me and the rest of our family, it's a million times harder for her. I cannot even begin to speculate on what she goes through. I learn so much about Grace from her. I learn how to be a mom, I learn how to care, how to love, and how to take care of my family. I also learn how to be a woman. She's such an inspiration and I ache when I think about what a disappointment I can be. I guess that's why I'm so excited about nursing....it means I will finally be something she can be proud of me for. I guess that's what my whole life has been about up til now : making my family proud of me. I want to be the kind of person who makes a difference in peoples' lives. I want my family to respect me, to be proud of me, and I want to help other families.

Christmas is my favorite Holiday. Next year, I swear to do more to alleviate the post Christmas blues. They just snuck up on me this year.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

We've had an eventful Christmas this year! It's been lots of fun, lots of food, and lots of presents! Daniel & I were (are) sick....Zoe's gassy....and Michael is the only one who's normal!

I'll write more later, but suffice it to say we're looking forward to new beginnings in '06 (and no more kids;) at least for awhile).

Here is more : we went to Bill's for Christmas Eve. Daniel had a good time with his grandad and his great grandad. It's nice to see them all together, it makes me happy! I only wish we saw them more often, Daniel loves to play with them!

Christmas morning we had our visit from Santa. We'd planned on grandparents and great-grandparents coming over Christmas morning, but with half the family sick we decided against it. It's a good thing, too, since Daniel didn't even wake up until well after 9! I don't think that will ever happen again! Santa sure was good to Daniel and Zoe this year....he brought so many things for them! The Fisher Price Baby Gymtastics play wall and tunnel (for them to share), loads of Little People toys (Ramps around garage, dinosaurs, a bus), some neat cars, and a terrific bouncer for Zoe. Daniel got so many presents from us and Santa this year that we kept a few back for his birthday! He won't miss them....trust me. Memaw and Gege stopped by for a visit in the morning, to see Daniel with his goodies. He was excited to show off the best gift of all....Tumble Time Tigger. We discovered later in the day that Tigger WAS working, we just hadn't fixed him from the demo setting!! He's super cute.

We went to Bebe's house for Christmas dinner....Daniel didn't have a nap before hand, but he was still in a good mood all day. Zoe, on the other hand, was gassy....she was fussy all day and was eating every hour! I shouldn't have had broccoli on Christmas Eve....They got some great presents from Bebe and Gege (we did, too!) and Daniel had a blast playing outside.

The day after Christmas we went to Memaw's....it was great, too. Again, loads of presents....best of all? A super cool wagon to ride around in! Now I just need a huge SUV to transport it in and we're set for the Zoo!

I wish Christmas could last all year....

On bein sick....

I'm sick. And it's awful. I have a hacking cough, an intermittent fever (I take prescription strength ibuprofen and it breaks), a splitting headache, and my eyeballs hurt when I move them. I've got Robitussin DM for the cough, ibuprofen for the headache/fever, and an antibiotic.....hopefully I'll start feeling better soon. I've been feeling this way for two days, and it's almost Christmas. It's the worst, being sick right at Christmas.

I'll write later on our Christmas Traditions....we're trying to start some this year, anyone have some ideas?

Nursing School II

I DID IT! I passed the NET with flying colors (I almost aced the math part, which is weird because I'm bad at math)! I'll start classes January 10th, and I am so excited! If only we had a way to pay for it....well, I suppose God will make a way....I hope.

NET.....tomorrow

I take the NET (Nursing Entrance Test) tomorrow morning. It's math and reading....out of 200, I have to score 90. Wish me luck. I stink at math. Who would have thought that fractions/percentages/and decimal points would give me trouble again? I'll let you know what happens.

Nursing School

We visited a nursing school with a VN program. It's expensive. We'll get some financial aid, but it won't cover the whole thing. Michael and I both feel this is something I NEED to do. Besides that, I want to! We'll need some major prayers for the remaining amount, because there is really no way we can afford it. All things are possible through Christ, so we'll do ur part and pray that He helps us out in some way! :) I'm excited, because the pre-entrance exam I had to take yesterday : I scored the highest my admissions counselor had ever seen! That's encouraging! I just have to take the Nurse Entrance Exam next week to solidify my application process! Wish me luck!

I feel special....I've been tagged! :)

Danny tagged me. So now it's my turn to answer these seven questions:

1. Seven things to do before I die:

Make a difference in someone's life
Travel to Australia
Take my kids to Disney World
Travel to Europe
Ensure some sort of financial stability for my family
Be a grandma
Win a Nobel Prize

2. Seven things I cannot do:
A backflip
Jump off the high dive
Allow a bug to crawl on me
Wait patiently....for anything
Wait until Christmas for someone to open a really cool gift from me
Remember what my life was like before Michael (in a good way!)
Imagine life without BOTH of my children

3. Seven things that attract me to my husband
His strength
How he treats me in public
How awesome he was during both labor experiences
His love for our kids
His love for me
His love for Christ
He's HOT!

4. Seven things I say most often:
Daniel, NO!
Can Mommy have that, please?
I Love You
God Bless America
Oh for goodness' sake (or Oh Fiddlesticks)
Thank You
I don't think so

5. Seven books, series, or authors I love:
Patricia Cornwell
Stephen King
Stormie O Martian
Max Lucado
Dean Koontz
James Patterson
The Nancy Drew Books

6. Seven movies I watch over and over again (or would watch over and over again if I had the time):
Tombstone (not sure why I don't own this....I watch it EVERY TIME it comes on the movie channels!)
Lord of the Rings
Harry Potter....doesn't matter which one, any one will do
Disney Movies (Brother Bear, Finding Nemo, Winnie the Pooh) -- admittedly, not just because of Daniel!
The Horse Whisperer
Radio (again, like Tombstone, I really should own this movie)
The Three Musketeers

7. Seven people I'm tagging: (I'll post a comment and let them know they've been tagged.)

Emily
Joanie
Lindsey
Steve
Preston
Jen
Brian

Santa...yea or nay?

Is "Santa" a lie? If so, he's the best lie I've ever been told! I don't feel betrayed and I grew up with Santa. I hope my kids don't ever hate us because of Santa. I hope they never feel betrayed because of Santa. I hope Santa brings them the kind of joy he brought me and Michael while we were growing up. I can't imagine Christmas morning without the sparkle in their eyes as they view all the goodies Santa brought them. Christmas Eve is for Mommy and Daddy gifts, but Christmas morning is reserved for Santa gifts. Besides, how cool is it that he flies 8 reindeer and manages to visit every child in the world in one night??

Oh Christmas Tree, Part Two

We've had a fire the last few nights in our fireplace. Daniel gets excited about the fire, but he knows he's not to get near it. It's awesome to have a fire, it just makes the whole place feel like Christmas. And our tree is done....we just need some candy canes and maybe some keepsake ornaments on it, to round it out. But it sure looks pretty! Daniel is good about not messing with the tree, too. I think we're lucky in that respect.

I've got some presents to wrap so once that is done I'll take a picture and add it to the post!

The Author & Perfector of My Faith

NOT WELCOME!

I ran across this joke on another website, where it was posted to people who were not of the particular Denomination. It is not intended to offend, rather to illustrate a point, which I will make afterwards.


Not Welcome!

A dog followed its owner to his Pentecostal church one Sunday, and was promptly ejected and the door firmly shut on the creature. Feeling sorry for itself it sat in the porch to wait for the service to finish. Someone patted the dog on the head and looking up the dog saw Jesus standing over it. “Don’t worry buddy”, Jesus said, “I can’t get in there either!”

Now, the "joke" is that Pentecostal Churches are not open to people (or creatures, apparently) who are different from them. To those who may have been snubbed by the Pentecostal Church at one point in time or another, the joke seem funny. To others, it may seem sad because they feel it is true. To still others, it is offensive : either because they themselves are Pentecostal, or they have friends or relatives who are.

Let's suppose for a second that the joke read "Church of Christ." Or, "Baptist," or "Episcopal." Is it funny then? Sad? True? I think the point of this particular joke was to start people laughing knowingly. Instead, it made me start thinking. Is MY Church a place where Jesus is welcome? Do we welcome those who are different than us? I remember before I used to attend Altamesa, I would hear people say "those Church of Christ people, they think they're the only ones going to Heaven." I found out that wasn't true of my Church. I can't speak for others. But I probably would have laughed at the above joke back then, had it been about the C of C. Because I didn't know. I think our goal, as Church members or leaders or whatever, should be a place where Jesus could come as "the least" and feel a warm welcome. Do you agree?

Oh Christmas Tree....

We have a gorgeous Christmas Tree this year. I got an unbelievable deal on it, too! I went to Garden Ridge and they have this neat damaged section in the far right corner by the Christmas stuff. This tree is a 7.5' pre-lit GE tree called "Fresh Cut Oregon Pine." It retails for $299.99 but I got it for $32.50 because the very bottom branches don't light up. That's what THEY think.....all of the branches light up. It's amazing. And, at first we didn't think it had a top....so we called it the "Topless Wonder." So, when we went to put the angel up there (to hide the tree's toplessness) we discovered that the top had just been bent over. We put it up while Daniel wasn't here so I took pictures when he first discovered it...

In the next picture you can see how excited he really is (keep in mind that it was nap time!) :

I've been taking pictures in various stages of completion...it cracks me up because in the 1st picture the light up jack-o-lantern is visible on our mantle. It's gone now, thankfully, but I haven't quite finished the Christmas display up there yet. We're going to try to take a family picture in front of the tree for a Christmas Card tonight. We'll see....

Have we gone too far with "Political Correctness?"

People get all up in arms about "Happy Holidays," saying we've gone too far with Political Correctness....I submit to you MY reasons why Jesus is NOT the "only reason" for this season :

1. 2 other "major" Holidays (at least) are celebrated now : Hannukah and Kwanzaa
2. Christmas, along with Easter, have roots in pagan rituals -- Winter solstice, and the Spring Fertility festival....when the pagans were converted to Christianity, they wanted to keep these festivals and they found Bible stories to fit them.
3. The fat guy in the red suit driving 8 flying reindeer is awesome. Why can't you celebrate the secular side while still reinforcing the Spiritual side?
4. Jesus most likely was NOT born December 25.....it was more like March 25.

I still believe in Santa. In fact, I have an inside track to the big guy in red's personal cell phone and toy request line. He is really such a nice guy! He's bringing my kids everything they asked for....and probably some things they didn't ask for!

How do you "balance" the secular and the Spiritual? To me, that is easy. The Christmas tree, the snowmen, the reindeer = secular. Jesus = Spiritual. You have to enforce the Spiritual all year round, or pushing it one or two days a year is only going to alienate the kiddos.

As for PC going too far.....I think when we started calling bald people "follicularly challenged" and large people "horizontally challenged" and short people "vertically challenged," THAT is when we went too far.

Funny Stuff 3

Funny Stuff 2

Holiday Funny Stuff

26

Sunday I turned 26. To many, that's young. To me, it's a scary sign that I'm getting old....er. Michael keeps saying I'm in my "late twenties" but I correct him....NEXT year I'll be "late twenties."

I've been pondering what I'll do this year that I've never done before....here's what I've come up with so far :

1. apply to nursing school

That's it. Hopefully I'll get accepted....

happy birthday to me
happy birthday to me
happy birthday to meeee
happy birthday to me

Things I wonder.....

I wonder.......

If Katie Holmes knew/knows what she's getting herself into with this whole "Scientology" thing?

How accurate the tabloids are on things?

What Christian Scientists do if they are having a baby and it's breach? Or if their baby is born prematurely? Do they let the mom and baby die? Do they let the baby die?

Why potty training is so hard?

Why a cow is called a "cow?"

How accurate those online IQ tests really are? (I scored 124, and it said I'm a "facts curator" and highly gifted in vocabulary, speech, and MATH???)

How many people are online in the world right now?

How many people actually read my blog each day?

What will Daniel and Zoe be when they grow up?

What will I be when I grow up?

Will I always feel guilty for going back to work?

Will I get accepted to nursing school?

Will there ever be a female President (before Zoe, of course)?

Will there ever be a Black President?

Will there ever be an openly gay President?

Will there ever be an openly gay, Black Female President?

I wonder a lot more things, but I'll do more later. Hey, if you know the answers would you be so kind as to fill me in, please?

"Crying" Virgin Mary?

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20051127/ap_on_re_us/statue_s_tears_2 I'm not sure I believe these kinds of stories...obviously, I'm not a member of the Roman Catholic Church....but, I have to wonder about these kinds of things. What do you think?

What's the worst....

Some answers to "What's the worst..." questions, today!

What's the worst.....

Name you've been called? Answer : snob

Movie you've ever seen? Answer : "Manos, Hands of Fate"

Food you've eaten? Answer : anything with curry in it blech.

Thing you've drunk? Answer : The medicine they gave me before my c-sections to neutralize the stomach acids

TV show on TV right now? Answer : Fear Factor

TV show EVER? Answer : Temptation Island. I found it degrading, pathetic, and I was shocked that it was even on TV. I guess it runs a close second to that reality Bachelorette knock-off where she had to choose a guy and he might or might not be gay....I think it got cancelled after the second episode so we never knew if she made the right choice or not...

Decision you made yesterday? Answer : not to do the dishes, because they are still there today.

Cartoon ever? Answer : Pokemon or Yugioh. I cannot stand those Japanime cartoons.

Sport to have to watch? Answer : competitive badminton. For real? I cannot stand watching soccer. I'm so sorry, but I just don't GET it!

Sport to have to play? Answer : Dodgeball. I HATE dodgeball, and I always lose. Either that or "butts up!" Do you remember that game? You played it with a tennis ball and it was sort of like dodge ball but if you got hit with the ball you had to stand with your hands against the wall while the person who originally threw the tennis ball got to peg you with it. But you could only hit the person below the belt. What a stupid game.

Website you've ever visited? Answer : too many to list here! Top on the list is the blog I clicked on the other day....I cannot believe it's legal to have blogs like that :(

Anyone have more to share?

How many.....

Here are some interesting answers to "how many..." questions :

How many.......

Times do you have to hit "next blog" to reach a VERY inappropriate blog? Answer : 3

Toys does Daniel have? Answer : 4 boxes full

Days did we eat leftovers from Thanksgiving this year? 4

Times a day do we watch "The Many Adventures of Winnie-the-Pooh?" Answer : 3-4

Letters/thank yous to be mailed? 45....eek.

Birth announcements to be mailed? 40....double eek

Stamps I currently have? 0

Times I go to Target each week? 6-9! I'm a Target addict.. But I can't shop at Wal-Mart unless its NECESSARY....I HATE Wal-Mart, but that's another story for another time....

Kiddo type movies we own? Answer : close to 30

Kiddo type moves we owned BEFORE we had kids? Answer : 20 (I'm a bigger movie nut than my son is!)

Times Zoe eats a day? Answer : 10 or more!

Times Daniel eats a day? Answer : MAYBE twice!

Times we OFFER Daniel food a day? Answer : 4-5

Glasses of milk Daniel drinks in a day? Answer : 5-6!

More times the nurse at our Pedi's office gets to treat me like I'm a child myself before we switch Doctors? Answer : 0

Licks to get to the center of a tootsie roll pop? Answer : if I knew, I'd be rich. I'm a biter, myself.

Anyone have any to share?

Baby Showers.......

It's amazing to feel so loved. It's overwhelming that people love us enough to give us a baby shower. It's exciting to have pretty new things for Zoe that weren't Daniel's first. I have no words but "thank you."

Believe....

Santa says "ho ho ho." Pumpkins are "bumpies." Snowmen are "nonies." The Suzuki Grand Vitara commercial where the man hang glides to his car...."WHEEEEEEEEE!" Animatronic (or still) light-up reindeer are "roos." Christmas trees make his face light up.

Having a toddler allows me to believe again.

Christmas....YEAH!!

I LOVE Christmas. I love the Spiritual aspect (obviously), but I also love the secular aspect -- Santa, his reindeer, the whole nine yards. I love decorating for Christmas. I love the radio stations that play nothing but Christmas carols for a whole month. (Yay KVIL and KLTY and KTCK online!) I especially loved the fact that stores were putting out Christmas things at Halloween! The problem was, we hosted Thanksgiving, and I couldn't find any Thanksgiving items for our table!

I'm going to have to be careful with the decorating....it's very easy to go overboard, and with a nearly 2 year old egging me on...well, let's just say we could end up with 14 trees!

Now, if it would just get and stay cold....and maybe if we could have a little snow, too? Is that too much to ask? Because I'd settle for lows in the 20s and highs in the 50s.....now, I KNOW that's not too much to ask!

Being Thankful....

I look at this picture and it speaks volumes to me. First, look how tightly Daniel is holding Zoe. He's protective of her already!

He loves her and it is evident to me that his love is unconditional. I am so thankful for that.

I am thankful for my kids, for my husband, for my Memaw & my Mom. My family is so important to me. I want to always hold them as close to me as Daniel is holding Zoe.

Post baby bodies....huh, what are they good for?

They say "Treat well the body of your youth, so that when you are old it will treat you well." OK, so I totally made that up (if it catches on, I want credit!) but it's true.

Nobody tells you, though, that the "body of your youth" doesn't come back once you've said adios to it by means of having children. I guess that's not fair, exactly....I haven't had much chance for it to come back since I've been pregnant or nursing for THREE STRAIGHT YEARS. This time, I'm not being lazy....I'm hitting the gym right away.

Tomorrow.

My 100th Post....Trying to be relevant is harder than it sounds

What I mean is : we try so hard to fit in with one group or another. All our lives, we run around as though life is one big popularity contest. In actuality, all that should really matter is : being relevant. We should not strive to simply "fit in," we should strive to matter. We should attempt to leave a mark. We should be what our generation, our family, our friends NEED us to be. We should be what we were CREATED to be.

Take me, for example : I am a talker. I can't help it. Ask me a question, and it's like someone turned my chat switch to "on." I've always been this way. As a child, I needed to be the center of attention. That really hasn't changed, because it is who I was created to be. In our society, however, that's not really acceptable. It's not "ok" for a grown woman to be the center of attention. I try so hard NOT to be who I was created to be, sometimes, that it hurts.

I'm a leader. I was born that way. In fact, I was probably President of Kindergarten (in my own mind, at least). I know I was Valentine Day Queen and Rusty was the King when I was in 2nd grade...don't ask me how I remember that.

I look at my son, and I wonder what he'll grow up to be. We joke (sort of) and say he'll be a left handed MLB pitcher (halfway there....looks like he'll be a southpaw), or maybe he'll discover a cure for some dread disease. Really all I care about is that he's happy. I don't want him giving up on his own dreams. I want to do everything in my power to ensure that he achieves his highest desires. I want him to strive to be who he was created to be. I want him to be relevant in his time.

Is it worth it and does it work?

The annoying ad banners on top of this site and Zoe's blog.....they pay me when people click on them. Yes, I am shamelessly asking you to do a favor and click on those ads at least once a day, from every computer you own (I believe they are tracked via IP addresses). I have a theory that one day I might actually receive a paycheck from them. They're run by Google, so I imagine they are legit.

BTW, there are ads on top of Zoe's blog too, so if you'd be a pal and click there too we'd all appreciate it! :)

This is all part of my grand experiment : DOES IT WORK and IS IT WORTH IT? Or does it all fall under the category of "TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE..."

RENT Countdown : 32 hours

Friday

I took the children to Target. By myself. I feel so proud. And I was exhausted. Zoe doesn't add much weight to her infant carrier, but what weight she does add.....it gets sort of tiring carrying her around. But that's what I had to do : Daniel in the cart seat and Zoe in her carrier ---> me carrying her around the store (alternating from my arms to my hands). I don't know that we'll be attempting that again anytime soon.

We had some of Michael's students over for a thank you dinner....I made too much fun, they played video games, Daniel was in hog heaven having people over. It was great. We'll be doing that again.

Went to the late night showing of "Harry Potter 4 : The Goblet of Fire" afterwards. The movie started at 10:20 pm and we left the theatre at 1:00 am. The movie was long, so that was satisfying (for me, the Potter fan). The movie is fabulous...there are some directorial decisions I questioned ("Why is Draco in a tree?" for one example) and I wondered about the cutting of what I thought was a key plotline....oh well. Still a wonderful movie and I'll DEFINITELY buy it on DVD. I can't wait for the next movie!

Next movies on the agenda : "Rent" (we're going to see it at midnight on Tuesday) and "King Kong," which opens December 14. We'll be there shortly after it opens, if not the very day. It looks AWESOME.

This child amazes me....5 weeks and she's had head & neck control for 3 weeks!

Nostalgia....and a trip to Target??

This is a picture of Daniel at his first Thanksgiving....we were trying to get a picture that we could use for his Christmas cards. This is how we discovered that he loves pumpkin pie! This year, he is obsessed with "bumpies" which is what he calls pumpkins. I can't believe how much he's grown....

This is Daniel with baby Zoe....he has TONS of teeth, now....and he had very few (4, I think) in the picture from this time last year....

Now, to Target....we're off for the first time with just me to corral them both. I have no idea how I'm going to do it, becaue I have to get groceries for our party tonight.....this should be fun. I'll definitely let you know how it goes!

No More Naps????

So, here is Daniel.....he is 21 months old. And guess what, he's trying to wean himself off of naps! I can't believe it. He usually crashes out from sheer exhaustion around 3:45 (and he wakes up at 8) and sleeps for maybe 45 minutes. What happened to my 2 hour napper???? I NEED those two hours!! Today I decided to try something : I took him with us to get Zoe's pictures made and it took FOREVER. He got hungry. He got sleepy. He REFUSED to take a picture with Zoe. He was much better after eating, and he stubbornly insisted that he was not sleepy (yeah, right). Guess what....he fell asleep in the car at 3:42. He slept until we got home at 4:20. That was his nap. He went to bed at 7:57 and fell asleep at 8:15. WHAT am I going to do???

First Program....

Daniel had his very first School program Monday night at ARK School. He LOVED it (as you can tell from the photo)!! He's such a little ham, and I have NO idea where he got it!

The cute little girl to his right (your left) is Moriah, she's his "girlfriend." In fact, he gave her a big smooch right in the middle of the program! That's our boy, a little ladies man.

I wonder if everyone feels like I felt that night....bewildered, wondering how in the world I had a son who was in a PROGRAM! How is he old enough to be in a School program? And he had his first School portraits made. I guess it really is true what they say, kids grow up too fast.

If a picture paints a thousand words.....

Proof of just how much Daniel loves Zoe.

Bit O Honey

Does anyone actually eat them? OR are they merely adding to the waste piling up in our Nation's landfills? Seriously. Have you ever bitten into one? I did, once....about 18 years ago. Just to see what they tasted like. One word? Nasty. I saw a package of them at the store around Halloween time. WHY do people buy them? Even better : WHY are they still manufactured? SOMEONE must eat them, right? YICK.

Oh and by the way, Zoe's blog has been updated :) Look for some more pictures later!

Toytastrophe.....

I bet nobody else's living room looks like this....

I'll post an after picture later...once it's cleaned up :)

"Sho-shee"

So, Daniel has started saying Zoe. It comes out "sho-shee" which is way too cute for words. Also, he grunts like a hippo when she makes her grunty hungry sounds. He loves her so much, and it thrills me to know that, and to see him interact with his baby. He gets so excited to see her, especially when he first wakes up. He waves at her and says "hi baby!" And he loves to give her kisses. I am so lucky!

Tigger

Halloween

What's the big deal with Churches and "Halloween?" Daniel goes to a 2 day a week pre-school at our Church. He loves it, it's good for him, and he's making friends (he even has a little girlfriend, so I'm told). But today they never made mention of Halloween. There was no Halloween party to go to at the school. That makes me kind of sad. I know there are parents who don't "allow" their children to "celebrate" Halloween. We aren't those parents. In fact, Daniel is going to do his first Trick or Treating with his Daddy tonight. He's Tigger (I'll post pictures later tonight), and he's the absolute cutest little guy around. But back to the original topic : why do Churches make such a big deal? Why are Halloween carnivals called "Fall Festivals?" Why not just say : "Celebrate Halloween in a safe environment, and maybe learn a little bit about Jesus in the process?" OK, so that's a little long...but why are we so shy about the word "Halloween?" Seriously. I know it used to be a pagan ritualistic holiday....but now what is it? A night to dress up in a costume and get candy. There's nothing pagan about that, is there? Oh well maybe there is....but come on, it's just a day. At least it's a "real" holiday....not like Valentine's Day....;)

Well, I certainly never encountered this with Daniel...

Zoe is having trouble gaining weight....or so it seems to her DR. Seems she should be gaining an ounce a day....she has not gained anything since Tuesday. We had to go to the DR today (long story, if you want to read it check out Zoe's blog sometime tomorrow....what? I only have a little time to update today!) and they weighed her. Go figure....I think she's filling out some, and she hasn't gained. Never had that problem with Daniel...he gained like a pound a day! So, we have to go back next week for a weight check. Not sure where we go from there, apparently she needs to weigh close to 7 pounds in order to "pass" or something. Gee, maybe I should start drinking bulk up shakes...

Mommy Test Number One

How do you handle a sick baby? Undivided attention, right? Well, then, how do you handle TWO sick babies?? That's a good one....today Daniel is running a 101.5 fever, Zoe has his cold (green yucky stuff coming out of her nose when I suction it), and Mommy is tired. But so what? It makes me deliriously happy to care for my children. Am I insane? Maybe...but I can't help it! I admit it, though, I feel a little helpless because I want to protect my children and here I "let" my 2 week old newborn get a cold on top of her fragile immune system and recovering lungs. AND to top it off I "let" Daniel get a fever, I "let" him get a cold, and I "let" him give it to Zoe. Why are we so hard on ourselves? Is it a lack of consecutive hours of sleep? If so, why do I wake feeling like 2 hours of total sleep is enough? Is it the pain we feel because we do too much just two weeks after major surgery? Maybe. Or maybe it's just the natural reaction to being a parent. Maybe as parents we ache when our children ache, because of our connection to them....maybe this is a great commentary on our Heavenly Father. If we ache this much when our earthly children are sick, how much more does He ache when we hurt? I can't even fathom it.

I think someone is in love...

For more pictures visit Zoe's page at http://babyhomepages.net/zoeelizabeth

I'm a MOM again...

You can read the entire story here : http://forzoe.blogspot.com

This has been a stressful week. It has taught me to fully rely on GOD. It has taught me the importance of "letting GO and letting GOD," it has taught me how awesome my Church is. This week has shown me the way to count my Blessings. This week has taught me a very important lesson : when you pray for God to fill you with the Peace that transcends all understanding, He does.

We brought Zoe home today. Daniel couldn't be happier to finally have his "baby" home, as well as his Mommy and Daddy. He has been so excited that he has not taken a nap! Needless to say, he'll be going to bed super early tonight!

Praise God from whom all Blessings flow,
Praise Him all creatures here below.
Praise Him above, ye Heavenly host.
Praise Father, Son and Holy Ghost.

Tearfully asking for prayers....

We had our amnio this morning. They were not able to extract any fluid, because : 1) my fluid level was low, 2) the baby was kicking the needle, 3) my uterus was contracting and restricting the needle so she couldn't pull out any fluid.

They stopped the procedure, cleaned me up, and put me on the monitor for a little over half an hour. They had done an extensive sonogram, getting measurements of the baby and making sure she's fully developed, which she is. Unfortunately, the only way they can tell lung maturity before birth is by testing the amniotic fluid. Since they couldn't get any, they couldn't test it, and therefore don't know if her lungs are mature or not.

Where the prayers come in : the Perinatologist (high risk pregnancy specialist) consulted with our OB/GYN after the tests this morning. They came to the conclusion that it's best for me and for Zoe if she comes tomorrow, as planned. We need prayers that her lungs are mature. We need prayers that she will be strong. We need prayers that she won't have to spend an inordinate amount of time in the nursery after she's born. My stomach is in knots as I write this, but I can only trust in God and the knowledge He has given to these Doctors. I can only trust that they are doing what they honestly believe is best. That's all I can do, and all I can hope for is a healthy and normal outcome tomorrow morning.

The amnio and the invasion of the needle set off a little rambunctious streak in Zoe and I've been having mild cramping and contractions since we were done at Noon, but it's not alarming. I'm just a little scared about tomorrow. That's a lie. I'm a LOT scared about tomorrow. But I know the Lord is my Shepherd and HE will bring us through this time and we will emerge with our beautiful, healthy, normal, mature-lunged baby girl.

We go to the hospital at 5:15 tomorrow morning, the surgery is scheduled to begin at 7. Thank you so much for reading. Thank you so much for your prayers. Expect pictures as soon as we can get them online!

Tearfully asking for prayers....

We had our amnio this morning. They were not able to extract any fluid, because : 1) my fluid level was low, 2) the baby was kicking the needle, 3) my uterus was contracting and restricting the needle so she couldn't pull out any fluid.

They stopped the procedure, cleaned me up, and put me on the monitor for a little over half an hour. They had done an extensive sonogram, getting measurements of the baby and making sure she's fully developed, which she is. Unfortunately, the only way they can tell lung maturity before birth is by testing the amniotic fluid. Since they couldn't get any, they couldn't test it, and therefore don't know if her lungs are mature or not.

Where the prayers come in : the Perinatologist (high risk pregnancy specialist) consulted with our OB/GYN after the tests this morning. They came to the conclusion that it's best for me and for Zoe if she comes tomorrow, as planned. We need prayers that her lungs are mature. We need prayers that she will be strong. We need prayers that she won't have to spend an inordinate amount of time in the nursery after she's born. My stomach is in knots as I write this, but I can only trust in God and the knowledge He has given to these Doctors. I can only trust that they are doing what they honestly believe is best. That's all I can do, and all I can hope for is a healthy and normal outcome tomorrow morning.

The amnio and the invasion of the needle set off a little rambunctious streak in Zoe and I've been having mild cramping and contractions since we were done at Noon, but it's not alarming. I'm just a little scared about tomorrow. That's a lie. I'm a LOT scared about tomorrow. But I know the Lord is my Shepherd and HE will bring us through this time and we will emerge with our beautiful, healthy, normal, mature-lunged baby girl.

We go to the hospital at 5:15 tomorrow morning, the surgery is scheduled to begin at 7. Thank you so much for reading. Thank you so much for your prayers. Expect pictures as soon as we can get them online!

The pitter patter of little feet....

Is quickly subsiding at our home....Thank God. Soon, the only little feet doing any pittering or pattering will be Daniel's and Zoe's!

You never really understand what a quiet house sounds like until you've got one of your very own....no extra sounds we didn't order, no loud thumps or rolls, no squeaking. Honestly? The squeaking is the worst. Looks like the first eviction notice we served has been taken to heart. Again, Thank God.

Now, for the second of those eviction notices.....the one that will be executed on Tuesday....today is Saturday. And as hard as it is to believe, we're almost ready for her arrival.....we are having a pre-birth celebratory dinner (so I don't miss it this time -- I got smart, you see) tomorrow night with our families. So, tomorrow I'm hoping that Daniel will be feeling better and we'll be able to enjoy our last full day together as a little 3 member family. I'd like to do something fun, like go to the Zoo. Daniel LOVES the Zoo. Then Monday we'll have our amnio and afterwards I'll be assembling a bassinet, assembling and freezing casseroles, and enjoying my baby boy......for the last time on his own.

It's hard to explain why this is so bittersweet. I just feel like a chapter in our lives is ending prematurely. No, that's not entirely accurate either....it's like two chapters overlapping in awkward spots. Like the editor was confused because the two chapters were so similar. It's hard to see God's Divine Plan when you're in the middle of it, but I keep thinking "the safest place to be is in the middle of God's Plan." Scariest, too? You bet. I am having some difficulty accepting that my baby boy isn't going to be the baby anymore. And sometimes I feel bad for being excited to have a baby girl, which is silly....and I think about these two children and how close they will be all their lives. They will NEVER know life without one another. Daniel is too young to remember the last 19 months, and Zoe will ALWAYS know her big brother is right there for her. And that makes me happy. That is what gets me through these last few hours. That is what makes this an exciting time.

Panic....

Oh the wonder of it all....my son has a cold. YUCK. And it's obvious he got it from one of his parents. Or maybe he picked it up at School, who knows? All I know is, he's as miserable when he's sick as an adult is....but the sad thing is, he can't communicate without crying/whining/etc because he's still (largely) non-verbal. Well, that's far from true, he's VERY verbal....we just don't understand him! ;)

Why am I panicking??? Because I only have today, Saturday, Sunday, and Monday before Zoe gets here......and I have about 2 months worth of things to get done before she gets here!! I was planning on making a bunch of casseroles and freezing them (or at least buying Stouffer's) so we can eat when we get home (and whoever is here at night while I'm in the hospital can eat too), I was planning on finishing unpacking our house. HA! Yeah, that's gonna happen.....I have lots more cleaning to do! I have laundry to do (surprisingly, enough....but it's not her laundry at any rate...that's been done for weeks), I have toilets to scrub, and I need to get my oil changed and clean out my car. I did already install her car seat, but right now it's holding 10 lbs of Daniel's toys and clothing....

SO, hyperventillating is OK for a pregnant lady to do, right? ;)

God DOES have a sense of humor...doubt me? Just look :

look at the ginormous bulk of the body, but the ridiculously SHORT legs...

Taco Tuesday

If you've never experienced the joy of Rosa's Cafe Taco Tuesday, then you are seriously missing out. You get 3 tacos (soft or crispy, beef or chicken) and rice and beans.....for, get this, $2.99!! What a deal! And it's not like the food is gross, either, because it's not. It's really good! So, the past three weeks Daniel and I have been enjoying Taco Tuesdays at 11 for lunch. The funny thing is from the time we get there until the time we leave, they serve over 100 people. Isn't that insane? We were there today for an early lunch right at 11:11 and we were order #51! When we left, 30 minutes later they were on order #179!! I couldn't believe it. They must have taco making down to a science. Daniel loves to go in there, because it's so festively decorated. He is fascinated by the clay faces all around, as well as the ceiling fans.

Ah, to have the wonder of a child again...

Precious Boy

Pictures from our latest trip to the zoo....Daniel finally got his lion!

Our House is a very very very fine house

Thought I'd share some of what I LOOOOOOVE about our new house :

1. the floors....they're so shiny!
2. my granite countertops in the kitchen...tres chic
3. my bathtub in my master bath...I've taken a bath every night since we moved in....about to go right now for another one :)
4. the space....it's so open!
5. my backyard : it's beautiful!
6. my front porch : it has pretty columns and room for a porch swing (if we had one)
7. so much natural light I don't turn lights on until the sun goes down
8. the layout/floor plan is fabulous
9. my laundry room is right outside my master bedroom
10. it's ours. and we own it

I'll put some pictures up later :)

Top TV Shows....and Alias.....

So Alias tonight made me cry. I didn't think it would, but with my hormones raging, well....you know.

Normally I hate to watch TV or be a slave to a scheduled "remote time." But this season it's hard. Here's a line up of my favorite shows so far :

Desperate Housewives
Grey's Anatomy
Extreme Makeover : Home Edition
Alias
Lost
CSI
Surface
Bones
Threshold
Medium (didn't watch last year, but have seen both episodes so far this year....we'll see)

I don't know how I find time to watch all those shows. The funny thing is, Daniel loves to watch the adult programming. I think he just likes the background noise...

Which shows can you not live without?

As my beautiful husband pointed out : I forgot the ONE SHOW I truly cannot stand to miss, and will rearrange my whole schedule around : HOUSE. Hugh Laurie is brilliant.

Completely Unexpected Surprises

Has anyone ever done something completely unexpected for you? I mean, gone out of their way to be so helpful or nice that it literally astounded you? That happened to us last night. We were just sitting here playing on Daddy's one night off this week, and our doorbell rang. We both looked at each other, because neither of us were expecting anyone. So when we opened the door, there stood Wezie. She had brought us meatloaf, mashed potatoes, and carrots that Preston had made. My jaw dropped. Here was someone interested only in making our night brighter and in making someone else's life easier. I wish I could be more like that. Thank you so much Wezie, Preston, and the kids. We'll be eating your meatloaf tonight and thinking of you fondly!

Internet Anonymity....

Ever notice how the internet is like the ultimate cocktail? I worked as a bartender for a long time, so I know what I'm talking about. The guy who had a rough day at work, and has one too many at night so you take his keys, pin a note to his shirt and call him a cab. But in the meantime, he has insulted your staff, you, and the guy sitting next to him. Why? Because alcohol lowers your inhibitions. It's dangerous in that way. In the same way, the internet is dangerous too. It affords you this veil to hide behind. The normally meek and mild mannered individual suddenly becomes the chat room spitfire. People say things they would never say to someone's face, just because they feel like they can.

So, I got to thinking, what is it about the internet that people find so intriguing that they have to suspend all sensibility and become someone who they aren't in real life?

The answer I came up with : the internet feeds needs for people. Different needs for different people. Some people crave human interaction during the daytime while they are "stuck" at home with their kids. Some people like to update their stock portfolio automatically all day long. Some people are addicted to internet games. Some people are addicted to, well, other internet things. But then you have the people who are either : a) so downtrodden in their daily lives by others around them, b) meek and mild and never say a work in their real lives, despite the way they are treated (by a spouse/significant other/parent/etc), or c) mean-spirited in real life AND internet life. THESE are the people who crave the internet anonymity. These are the people who hide behind names like "wildcat64" and "hellraiser." They are the people who "speak their minds" and expect others to just get out of the way or agree. They are the people who make it their daily business to go about spouting hurtful things to strangers they've never met. Does it make them feel good? I can't say. I can only imagine that it fills some void for them. The only thing I can say is: at least they aren't saying these things to peoples' faces. And I take some small comfort in the hope that the majority of these people don't act that way in their day-to-day lives. But I worry about what causes them to behave that way. And I really don't think there's any way to fix it.

Repeat c-section

Scheduled for October 11 at 7:00 in the morning. I have to have an amnio the day before at 9 am, to determine if Zoe's lungs are mature. If they are, we have a baby the next day. If they aren't, we repeat the whole process a week later. It's naptime.

From bad to WORSE? Frying pan to FIRE??

So, we had the Truly Nolen man out today, because I heard noises in the walls of Daniel's room the other morning. Sunday morning, to be exact. The man goes up into our attic and immediately I hear, "WHOA!" And he pops his head down and says "you're not gonna like this." Because, of course, I'd already regaled him with stories of the great mouse infestation of 2005 at our last house. So I say "oh yeah?" And he just shakes his head and continues on. A few minutes and here he comes. "Well, Mrs. Newberry, I can tell you with a fair degree of certainty that you do not have a mouse problem." Then, before I can feel relief (keeping in the back of my mind that he said I wouldn't like what he was going to say), he says, "nope, what you've got is ROOF RATS." My jaw literally dropped. "R-r-rats?" Oh my gosh. You have got to be kidding me. The worst part? "Yep, you've got them and there's a fresh one up there that must have gotten into some of that poison that's been laid out. I'm going to go back up and fish him out...believe me you don't want to deal with that smell." I just nod stupidly and hand him two grocery sacks like he asked. He tells me something about once he's done getting the carcass (EEK!!) down he's going to walk the perimeter of our house to determine how they were getting in. I just nod again.

So, here's the deal....we have roof rats and apparently they're super common on this street. The beautiful 2 story house two houses down just had this same guy out for the same problem. Apparently they like our neighborhood. And they REALLY like our house. "There are literally thousands of droppings in your attic...fresh, new, you name it." And since rats are ferociously territorial, he thinks it's likely a family system. So, I throw out a feeble joke "great we've got Rat Corleone and his 'family' living in our attic." He gives a hearty laugh and a sympathetic look. The good news is : we can do something about it. And we are. But the thought of rats in my attic....he said the good thing is that unless they've chewed a hole into the interior of the house, they'll have no interest in coming into the house itself. Great. That's comforting. The other "good" news? The one that was dead was a small one, all in all (with tail) only 18 or 19 inches long!!! That's the size of a NEWBORN.

Fuggedabowdit.

The Greatest Invention....EVER?

The dishwasher. That little box beside the sink in just about every household in America. It cleans our dishes, makes cleaning up at night easier than snapping your fingers, and it makes us feel all warm and fuzzy about disinfecting our dishes. So, when it doesn't work and we have to do all these things ourselves, we are left to wonder : Just HOW do people live without a dishwasher? Especially people with kids! When we moved into our new house we discovered that our dishwasher doesn't work. Well, that's not really true : our dishwasher doesn't cycle through its cycles and the soap dispenser doesn't work. So, in essence, it runs but it doesn't clean (and it certainly doesn't disinfect) our dishes! And to top it all off, the water in our kitchen doesn't get very hot (and it takes forever to get as hot as it does) so if I want to disinfect our dishes I have to boil water and soak our clean dishes in the boiled water. Either that or I can add a drop or two of bleach to our dishes. But this makes unpacking really difficult -- I want to wash our dishes as they get unpacked so they can be used, but washing by hand is next to impossible with a toddler around!

So, how in the world did people in the "olden days" do it? And how do people today survive without a dishwasher? Since we have American Home Shield on our new home they can give us the money from repairing the dishwasher and we can use it to "upgrade" our appliance.

What's awful is : we had to replace our refrigerator before we could really move in because something was terribly wrong with our old one! And then, to top it all of our dryer stopped working so we had to buy a new one (we bought a washer, too, since who knows when they'll have that great a deal on them and what if our washer goes out too?). Add to that the oven doesn't work properly (but, according to the repair man : it does....maybe he should try taking 25 minutes to bake a can of biscuits, then he can tell me it works properly), but we're pretty much stuck with that.

The upside? Once the appliances are all replaced, we'll have all new appliances! DUH. ;o) That means that things we wanted/needed for Zoe and her room are falling by the wayside for the "necessities." But with her impending arrival, things are stressful inside my brain.

I'm hoping I'll get some rest soon, though.

"Call me anytime..."

When people say this, do they reall mean it? I know I do, but you know what I mean. Someone says "call me anytime if you need anything!" And you can't help but wonder, what if I called you and said "Hi! My feet hurt and are swollen beyond recognition because I've been on them all day, my blood pressure is sky high, I've been cleaning and doing way too much today, and to top it all off my family needs dinner tonight! Would you mind bringing us dinner?" Of course I'd never have the nerve to do something like that, as tempting as it might be! I just wonder sometimes if people are sincere in their offers, or if I were to call would they think oh great she thought I was sincere! The answer is probably simple : most of the time people mean it and other times it's merely a reflex (almost like getting hit by the DR on that special spot on your knee) and the person who said it wishes they could retract it (on the off chance that you actually think they are sincere). I don't know though, do you?

PS -- more tomorrow, but HOW DO PEOPLE LIVE FOR YEARS with no DISHWASHER????? I CAN'T STAND IT!!

Stomach aches and non-talkers....

HOW do you know when your baby has a tummy ache? Especially if they can't tell you, "Mom my tummy hurts?" Well, I guess we deduce by the contents of their diapers. My wee one had two really gross diapers yesterday. We're talking send a letter to the President because aliens landed in his diaper. I can only guess that his tummy hurt him, but the day before he seemed OK....he just didn't eat much at dinner, which is normal. But how do you stop yourself from feeling like a bad Mommy because you didn't know his tummy hurt? I guess like all things, it comes with time.

I've got to go sweep the floors while he's asleep. Who knew hardwood floors could take so much upkeep?

SCARED (MORTIFIED, actually)

Driving home from Target tonight we were passed on the right by a woman driving a small green car with no lights on. It was after 8 pm (CST) and the sun was down. It was dark. The only reason I know the car was green is that she passed us right next to a gas station that was all lit up and I could see the car color. Well, at the light where I needed to turn left to get to our house I look over, thinking maybe I'll roll my window down and tell her that her lights aren't on. That is when I notice that her husband (boyfriend? brother? who knows?) is HOLDING an infant. A small baby girl, who doesn't look any older than 6 months. She's not in a car seat, the woman driving the car hasn't bothered to turn her lights on, and it looks like it's going to storm. The light turned green. She sped off straight, I was frozen to the spot. Car behind me honked at me. I jumped forward, saying a prayer for that baby girl. Lord help me, I will be thinking about that baby forever and ever.

Papa's Hat

Daniel found a hat I had bought for Papa some time ago. He decided to put it on last night. SO CUTE!

Hurricanes....

There is nothing like a natural disaster to send people into a panic spiral. The Albertson's by our house is out of gas. I don't know why, exactly, but I can only assume that people are afraid of gas prices rising after Rita hits.

A drive that should take 4 hours is taking people over 12 hours. They've closed 45 South and opened all 8 lanes to Northbound evacuees. I can't begin to imagine the horror the New Orleans evacuees are feeling at the prospect of being in yet another Cat 4 storm, with the potential to be a Cat 5 by Saturday afternoon.

What causes hurricanes? What causes them to be so vicious? We should be thankful, I suppose, that they are something that can be anticipated unlike so many other so-called "acts of God." After all, there's no other natural disaster that we can plan for like we can for a hurricane. As long as everyone does their part, all of the people should be out of harm's way long before the storm actually hits. I say SHOULD, simply because you are going to always have the stubborn hang ons who insist they can "weather" the storm. And it's difficult to find as much pity in my heart for these people as I'd like.

I don't know what to think about this hurricane. I pray that everyone gets out of there and when Rita does hit, with her full wrath, that there will be nobody left for her to destroy. I just sincerely hope that everyone gets out of harm's way before the storm hits. After all, we've had plenty of advance warning.

Daniel is so cute

He's having so much fun at ARK School, and it's amazing to see how much like a sponge he truly is. He tries so hard to do the sign for "please" and since he and I have worked on "thank you" and "more" and apparently they are working on those in ARK School, too.....pretty soon he won't want to talk anymore, which is funny because he babbles pretty much constantly. If only I could understand him.

And he's growing up so quickly....he pretty much puts himself to sleep at nap and bedtime now, and he's on a fairly set schedule. I suppose when Zoe gets here, that will all change...but you never know. He loves to be rocked until he's calm, and I usually sing to him at night time. It's funny, people always told me when he was little bitty to just "let him cry it out" and he would sleep through the night. Amazingly, he started sleeping through the night without me having to resort to that. Although I will admit to trying it twice. It's just not in me to let a baby cry for no reason. So now, I have a happy and secure 19 month old who knows if he truly needs Mommy or Daddy, they will be right there. What a wonder.

Memoirs of a bullfrog

So here we are, in our new home and I should be ecstatic. And I am. But I'm also not. We have discovered that when we moved in our oven doesn't get hot, our garbage disposal doesn't dispose of garbage, and our dishwasher doesn't run. Well, I take that back...it runs. and runs, and runs, and runs, and never advances beyond where you set the dial. It literally ran all night long the other night. And I was too exhausted to realize it until I got up the following morning and it was STILL "washing" my dishes. Add to that the fact that when we first got here, our fridge went kaput and we had to buy a new one, and now our dryer has decided to die. I hesitate to even say "what next" because there are still other major appliances that could say "oooh, me, me, me!!" So, I hold my breath and pray nobody decides to help us fill the Fort Worth City Dump with more broken down appliances.

In addition, the DR has me concerned. She said she doesn't want me going past 38 weeks of pregnancy, which would mean a scheduled c-section sometime around the 17th of October. 2 weeks early, and only 4 weeks away. That just doesn't give me enough time. But here's the kicker : she'd like to take her at 37 weeks (meaning sometime the week of October 10) but the problem there is manifold : 1) I'd have to have an amnio to determine if Zoe's lungs are fully formed, 2) Michael's show in Irving doesn't close until the 15th of October so I'd be completely alone at the hospital after the birth, and 3) that puts her arriving here really, really early....and I'm still not prepared for her arrival. Yes, she has a bed, and a room, and it's pretty much "ready" for her, but there is so much more to it than that.....mentally and emotionally I'm not ready for her arrival. I need some more time to prepare. But I suppose, like all things, it's God's timing and not mine. Just so hard to accept sometimes.

how

how do you prepare yourself for the arrival of another child? how do you open your heart to the possibility that yes, you can love another child as much as your first? how do you look at yourself in the mirror, without hating yourself for even thinking that in the first place? how do you reconcile looking into your child's eyes and thinking "soon, little one, your world is going to turn upside down" with the inescapable joy that has somehow wormed its way into your heart? how do you know life will be changed for the better after the arrival of the new baby? how do you afford two children? how do you take care of two children under the age of 2? how do you do these things and maintain your sanity?

Wow it's been a long time.

We're finally in our new home. And just as soon as I can find the cord to lift photos from our digital camera, I will post pictures. Until that time...here is a quick update.

We moved in on the 7th of September. Michael got a gig in Irving doing a show at the last minute. So he leaves the house at 6:30 and returns at midnight. It's fabulous for him, not so fabulous for us but we're OK. We make special time during the week for Daddy time with Daniel.

My due date is rapidly approaching. October 31 is the due date. Guess what, my DR doesn't want me going past 38 weeks (that's October 17th) and she wants to do an amniocentesis at 36.5 weeks to determine if the baby could come on October 10th. Good thing her room is almost ready, huh?

We registered at Target and we're going to Babies R Us tomorrow. Registering for a baby with a toddler along is interesting....Daniel wants to handle everything and he kept trying to get the scan gun. Like Father, like son!

I'll update more later, but right now I'm exhausted. I go back to the DR on the 23rd.

Moving....UGH

Well we've just about gotten our house packed (which is more than I can say for any of the other moves we've ever made!!). We have to be out of here Monday....and we're moving in with my Grandmother for 15 days until we are able to move into our new home!

Exciting? Yep.

But we've got to rent a UHaul to get our stuff to UHaul storage...then rent a UHaul from the storage to the new house. It's MUCH MUCH MUCH cheaper than hiring movers....but the catch is finding a bunch of suckers, er, I mean FRIENDS who are willing to help move! We've got help in the form of STUDENT LABOR Monday to move the stuff to storage...we're still working on lining up the help for the 30th....so far, it's just me, myself and I.....since Michael is in school already....but hopefully we'll get some answers back soon.

My back hurts from the packing, but Thank GOD it's almost over. Then two weeks of relaxation before moving again. This time, though, I'll have lots of help unpacking. Michael has been tremendous help packing, and we hope to finish tomorrow and spend Sunday sparkling up our house.

Now if only the yard guys had kept their appointment today....we'd be all set. I am so angry. I called them and he assured me they'd be here today around 4. Here it is, 10 pm, and he hasn't called. I guess I just have to scramble to find someone who can do it on such short notice tomorrow...or at the very latest, MONDAY, which is cutting it SOOOO close!!

Ah well, it'll all work out....:) It always does...

Pregnancy Ills

Went to the DR today. My blood pressure was up. 124/86. She's not happy about that (*she being Dr Motley*), NOR was she at all thrilled with the ENORMOUS weight gain in two weeks (or one day, if the scales at 24 hour fitness can be trusted). I'm swollen in my legs/feet and hands.

All of this to say : she is afraid I am developing pre-eclampsia. Which means if I do have it, then I will be put on bed rest (YUCK) until the baby is mature enough to have a c-section and deliver her. However, if I have it and bed rest doesn't work she'll put me in the hospital (Harris Downtown) and they'll monitor the baby for 2 weeks and then do a c-section, giving her as much time on the inside as possible, and pumping her full of steroids.

I've just been praying that I don't have it. That I'm just getting fat. That I'm just stressed about the move and the baby. I don't think I am one of those women who is strong enough to survive bed rest and a premature infant.

The Great Mouse Chase...

So, Michael and I spent 2 hours cleaning our bedroom and master bathroom and packing those two rooms up....in the master bathroom we run across a little grey field mouse who has taken up residency in our closet. (S)he has made quite a little nest in there, shredding things and pooping.

Well, we scared the little mouse out and it ran into the bedroom....where we chased it for roughly half an hour before we gave up, locked the dogs in there with it and headed to the store to get some traps. I feel badly for it, because I know it's scared to death. But I don't understand how it's still even here! We have peppermint oil, traps, and even one of those electronic pest repellants that plug into an outlet. Nothing. Zip. Nada. The poor mouse is still trapped in our closet, and now devices of death await its every move.

Plus it's put holes in the closet walls. Not the cartoon-ish holes like you see when you watch "Tom & Jerry," but real mouse holes...tiny and close to the ground. I'm just glad we're moving. It destroyed some antique quilts which upset me more than any of the other things it destroyed.

*SHUDDER* ick!

Questions...

I've always been inquisitive by nature. I think my first word MUST have been "Why?" I've always wanted to know how things work, where they come from, why they exist, etc. The same is true of my relationship with God.

I have always questioned God, in what I feel is a healthy way. I know it's healthy, because my questioning always leads me closer to God, rather than further away from Him. I study His word, I study other peoples' words about His Word, and I deduce using my own God-given brain power what must surely have been meant by those words. I listen to men and women who are wiser than me. I ask questions of people who are different than me. I listen to honest responses from people who do not believe there even is a God. I do my best to live my life by example, rather than cramming Christianity down the throats of those who do not believe. I've always been taught, and have always believed, that it is better to live by example than by mere words. After all, how many times have we been told that our "Actions speak louder than words?"

My most recent inquisitive streak has led me straight into the heart of something fearful. Something horrible. Something dark, and mysterious. And I cannot seem to find an answer. Let me rephrase that, I cannot seem to find a CLEAR answer. Anywhere. And I'm at a loss.

This search is : HELL. Does it exist? Who goes there? Why does Hell exist? If Jesus came to bring Salvation to the World because God wants all of His children to return to Him, then why is there such a place as Hell? Is Satan real? And by this, I mean : is Satan some little red demon with a pitchfork and spiky tail? Or does Satan simply refer to the bad things in this world, the "evil" that does exist?

I've run across an interesting branch of Christian Theology, which has been deemed "Unorthodox" by a number of mainline Christians. This is known as Universalism. And you know what, when I began reading more about Universalism and talking to people who consider themselves Universalist Christians, I realized that this philosophy is in direct line with what I have always believed.

But you know what, I'm not sure where my Denomination lies on the subject of Hell. I have never once, in almost 10 years, heard a "hellfire and brimstone" sermon from the Pulpit. I heard plenty growing up, and know that the Churches I visited and grew up in throughout my childhood believed there sure is such a place as Hell and I was gonna go there if I didn't do ___________.

I've searched the Bible. I find passages which relate to Hell, or some sort of place like Hell. But I also find passages that state how much God loves us, and how much He wants us to be with Him. The greatest verse of all, John 3:16, sums it up quite nicely. "For God so loved THE WORLD...." not a little group of people, but the WORLD. This tells me He wants everyone to come to Him.

Where my confusion lies is : does He want everyone to come to Him NOW? Or does He know that (as the writer of Revelation states) "every knee will bow, every tongue confess..." eventually, everyone WILL know Him. So, does Hell exist? Or does everyone get a second chance, even after they die, to believe wholly in Jesus Christ?

Don't get me wrong, I've searched and searched and searched my whole life, and I have never (nor will I ever) turn from God. I have some pretty wacky ideas, which I would be happy to share with you if you ask, but I KNOW Jesus was the Son of God, I KNOW He is the Way, the Truth, and the Life. I just don't know if there is a Hell or not. And I'm confused because part of me wants there to NOT be a Hell, or if there is then it is a temporary one and eventually all the people who are there now will be resurrected into Heaven. But part of me thinks there really ought to be a Hell, reserved only for the most vile of people. Adolf Hitler comes to mind, in fact. Perhaps there is a Hell, reserved only for those who reject Him even in death. Perhaps those who are so offended by His Goodness, that they would rather be tortured for Eternity than confess His name. Satan and his minions, for starters.

I just don't know that this search will ever be complete while I'm still on the earth. It's just too deep, and we haven't enough information from the BIG GUY to make a call ourselves. Perhaps it's a bit altruistic of me to believe that everyone gets the chance to go to Heaven....but I don't care. There are people who are innately good people, they are just a bit misguided.

Or how about Jewish people? There are some of the Jewish Faith that I cannot imagine NOT seeing in Heaven. Or what about Ghandi? Surely a man as good as he was is in Heaven, even if he wasn't a Christian?

Heat....

It is so hot. I don't know why it gets to me, but it does. And I NEVER wanted to be pregnant in Texas in the summer....but here I am! Starting my 7th month and it's nearly August. UGH.

Daniel doesn't seem to be bothered by the heat. I guess that's because the only time he's outside is when he is playing in one of his kiddie pools. He has so much fun! Although, he's started trying to put his face under the water, and he comes up spluttering. So, he gets to play and splash in cool water in the dead of this heat (late afternoons and in the shade). I'm guaranteeing you I'll be getting in with him next time!

Well, it's official.....

WE'RE HOMEOWNERS!!!


We closed today and that means it's all over.....YAY!! Well, almost all over.

Actually, it's just begun.....now we have to PACK. YUCK!!

Taking volunteers for the move -- we have to be out of here August 15 and won't move into our home until August 30.

Kidding about the volunteers....but we are excited! Thanks for the good thoughts!

At some point in time tomorrow.....

We will become homeowners!!

Exciting? You bet

Scary? Absolutely

Thrilling? Most definitely

Are we ready? Nope

Now the reality has set in that I have to clean, pack, and throw away a lot of junk we've accumulated in the past two years....anyone wanna help? ;)

But, on the plus side I get to start decorating Zoe's room!!! AND I get to start making a HOME instead of a HOUSE.

I cannot wait.....and I can't wait to go baby shopping!! She already has some clothes *sheepish look* because I couldn't wait.....and her bedding set is already here, too. Now we just need a crib, a glider for her room *Daniel still loves to be rocked at night* and a few infant basics, I guess.

But I have to hold off on major all out spending....we ARE raising our monthly house payment significantly :)

I cannot wait!! Expect photos of the closing....

We chose a name....

Our little girl, who is due October 31, will be



ZOE ELIZABETH



Zoe = Greek; "Life"
Elizabeth = English, Hebrew; "Consecrated to God"

We are so excited to meet her!!!

Daniel....

He knows almost 20 animal sounds!

cow
horse
duck
chicken
piggy
dog
cat
lion
elephant
whale

to name a few :)

AND he knows the color "yellow" and can recognize it!

When he wants something he says "mamamamamamamama" and points (or bangs on the closed door) to what he wants.

He cracks me up!

Here's a cute photo of him

The LORD reigns...He is a Mighty God....

That song has been in my head all night. Not sure why.

I've been conversing on christianforums.com with a 15 year old girl who selected ME out of the hundreds of thousands of people on that website. She picked me out and has been asking me questions. She is a disgruntled Catholic. She lives in a home with two very staunch Catholic parents...and she has been on a search for Religion. She has issues with the Catholic Church. Issues I can't even begin to understand....but I'm trying my best to be open, honest, and show her there IS another "side" to Christianity.

Which brings me to : Christianity is NOT a one-size-fits-all Religion. At least, not for me. God is omnipresent, omnipotent, and supreme. That much is true. But I do not believe He is inflexible. I do not believe He is some being that sits upon a crystal throne and never involves Himself with His creations. I believe He is a LIVING GOD, a PRESENT GOD, a God who loves us, despite our shortcomings. I believe He is a God who wants us to recognize Him in the "little things." Sunsets. Thunderstorms. Babies. Puppies.

I do not believe in the theory of Original Sin, as I understand it. I do not believe that someone must be sprinkled with water at birth to prevent them going to Hell if they should die as an infant. To me, the idea is absurd. To a large portion of Christians, this idea is one of the foundations of their beliefs. It confuses me.

I will continue to be in prayer for my little friend. I pray that God will guide my heart, my hands, and my mind when I "speak" with her. Please pray for me, that I will help Jesus foster this little lost sheep back into His fold.

Chef Michael

Michael has a newfound hobby....cooking. I bought him a grill, the necessary accoutrements, a Bobby Flay grilling book, and this silly apron for his birthday.

Here he is making a tasty cheesy casserole. Photos to come later of him grilling.

Can you say "BAM?"

An evaporation of innocence??

A disturbing article was written in the Fort Worth Star Telegram today. It actually made me afraid for the future of our children. It also made me want to cry, home school my children, and sequester my son away until he is 40. What was this article? It was on the subject of "Are girls the new sexual aggressors?" They interviewed girls from the age of 14 to the age of 16 and they were talking about how sexually intense girls have become.

12 year olds are "coming on" to other 12 year olds. Girls are making guys their conquests. Girls are treating sex as a bargaining tool, they treat it as a way to become popular. They whisper promises of sexual favors into the ears of pre-pubescent boys. They wear ridiculously short skirts with little or no underwear under them, and they do this at SCHOOL!

I told Michael tonight that all kids should be required to wear uniforms to school, the skirts must be ankle length, and they can't show any skin at all. Expect arms and face. And it scares me to think that we're having a little girl. I just pray that the trend reverses itself. Plus, it doesn't really seem to matter how involved the girl's parents are, these girls do what they want, wear what they want, and behave however they want. It makes me sick. Parents are trying to be their teens' "friends" rather than their mentors and parents. They allow their children to wear clothes with suggestive sayings on them, they BUY their children $200 pairs of jeans with holes placed strategically near private areas, and exposing their bottoms.

I am afraid. I am afraid for the future of my children. No matter what we teach them at home, what will they learn at School? What will they see at their friends' houses? What will they hear from their friends? What will they see on TV, even if we don't let them watch the "bad" shows?

And while we're on the subject, I learned that the "cause bracelets" (that's what I call the "Livestrong" bracelets and all the others like them) have taken on a separate meaning altogether for some High School kids....the different colors have taken on different "sexual favors" that the person will perform willingly. This is, perhaps, as disturbing as the suggestive dress that the girls wear.

When I was in High School, I didn't even know what half of what today's 6th graders know (about the "world"). I didn't learn much about "adult" topics until I was one....actually, until I was well into College. And I wasn't sheltered. Or so I thought. I went to a Private school, but I had friends who went to Public School. I graduated 9 years ago. Have things really changed that much in so little time?

Why do girls have so little self value today? Why is their worth wrapped up in what other people can do to them? Why is sex treated as a commodity among our young people? Why isn't sex sacred anymore? Why do Middle and High School students think so little of themselves that they are willing to possibly contract God only knows what kinds of diseases?

Where did it all come from? How can we stop the madness? Is there any hope for the baby inside of me? Is there any hope that my precious son will never come home saying "Mom, some girl said she wanted to ...." I pray continually that this will never happen. But if it does happen, I pray that we will have such an awesome, open, honest relationship with our children that they will tell us. That they will know we will not judge them, but give them true and good advice.

Now, more than ever, it is important that parents take an active role in their childrens' lives. Christian parents, as well as non-Christian parents must stand together and realize that only we have the power to reverse this trend.

Dancing Machine....

He loves to dance....who would have thought? And he has natural rhythm. But do you notice how he has his fingers crossed? That is his new "thing."

But he IS talking a LOT and can repeat words! He knows a lot of animal sounds, too. Next we're going to start working on the alphabet!

Oh sweet begonias.....I pity myself today

There has long been a child rearing "device" that I have seen and thought "oh dear...that poor kid" and I've felt pity for the parent with that child.

But today....at the Zoo.....I realized that I just might become one of those parents I pity. Because I actually thought : I NEED ONE OF THOSE!! Do you know what it is?


A baby leash. A "tot along." A harness for your toddler. Daniel wanted to get out of his stroller and play in the misters at the Gorilla exhibit. So, being the loving, doting mother that I am : I let him. He's fast! He wouldn't hold my hand, and I didn't want to hurt him by yanking on his arm, so I let him go and followed him closely all the while pulling that stupid, heavy stroller along with me....all 6 months pregnant, sweaty in the 90+ degree heat....and, God help me, I thought "Wow, I could really use one of those leashes for kids." Of course, I immediately retracted the thought. But alas, it lingers on still.

So, ask yourself : will I be toting a tot along at the next zoo outing? Most likely, no....but if I happen to be at Babies R Us and they're on sale....it may be something I purchase. Along with a shirt that reads "My child is ONLY wearing this harness because he refuses to hold my hand...and he's only 17 months old, so please don't think he's a discipline problem and please don't pity me." Or something to that effect.

Expect photos if that ever does happen :)

Totally G Rated Bathtub Photo.....what a CUTIE!!

Daniel loves his bath....here is proof (in B & W, nonetheless....mom's experimenting with the photo programs!)

I'm so glad he loves the water!!

Looks like it's ours....

Well, we signed the contract on the house this weekend....we have 14 days to get it inspected, and (as if we would) change our minds for any reason....I am a little stunned. After all the time we've spent looking, now that we've found "the" house it seems so, I dunno, sudden? But what a great house it is! Wood and ceramic tile floors (NO CARPET YAY!!) which is great for Daniel's allergies. Granite countertops in the kitchen (woo hoo gourmet kitchen!). FOUR bedrooms (small rooms, but who cares he he!). And a GINORMOUS BATH TUB in the master bath!! I can't WAIT to bathe in there....you might never get me out of there...nightly baths here I come!!

And the best part : we'll have Michael's students to help move us and paint the rooms we're going to paint! Whoopee! And it means I can FINALLY start on baby girl's room....

We're thinking baseball room (denim, red, ranger blue, ranger accents, decopauged bookshelves...) for Daniel. I'm so excited! And the 4th bedroom will be the guest/play room....yippee!

Well, going to bed for now.

Here's what I'm thinking....

Yum. A cherry cola one. The biggest one I can find. Right now. Now.

What is your favorite Book of the Bible?

Mine is most likely Matthew. I prefer his presentation of Christ to the other three. Matthew is followed closely by John....I like John, because he seems down to earth, and he presents a slightly different view of Jesus than the other three do. I know I'm in the minority of Christians, but I do not care for the letters from Paul. I know it's where much of the Church doctrine comes from, but I just prefer reading the Gospels to reading laws. Not that reading laws doesn't have its place....Don't get me wrong, I'm not a Paul hater by any stretch of the imagination....I love the message of his letters, but I can get easily confused when I read the different letters....the places run together in my mind. Although my favorite verse in the world comes from Ephesians....hmmm.

What about you, what's your favorite Book of the Bible?

"The Cause of Freedom is the Cause of God...."

Or so says a Church billboard down here in Crowley. I don't know what to think about it....I disagree with the statement. I think. And here is why : it all depends on whose definition of "Freedom" we are talking about. After all, some would (could?) argue that the Muslim extremists who are behind many of the terrorist attacks are fighting their own "Cause of Freedom." So, is their cause the cause of God? We Americans would argue "No." Then you have the people who feel our war in Iraq is a "Cause of Freedom" that is a "Cause of God." There are those who don't. I think we have to have a definition of "Freedom" and it must be Universal.

IS Freedom what God desires for His people (even those who are "lost")? Undoubtedly. But whose definition of Freedom? America's? George Bush's? Saddam Hussein's? China's? Who is to say what is best for other people? For China, Socialism and Communism have been "working" forever. But do the people lack Freedom? Or is their Freedom just different from that which we are used to? Most Americans would argue the first....there is no such thing as Freedom in China. Are they wrong? Maybe, maybe not.

Freedom is a relative term, but should it be?

Is the statement "The Cause of Freedom is the Cause of God" an excuse to invade countries, pillage villages, and "set people free" on our own terms? Remember, the Crusades were also said to be a "Cause of God." So was the Spanish Inquisition. Were they?

What a pair of cuties!

Daniel loves eating bananas. Witness the following picture, where he is getting ready to help fold and put away laundry!



Isn't he a doll??

Miss Texas....

Do they make up new Regions of Texas just so they have more contestants? I've never heard of half these places!!!! I'll update more later....this is our favorite pageant of the year. Oh my I know Miss Garland....eek.

Our House.....we hope.

We might have found the perfect house. I just hope it's ours.....it's all about God. You see, we found this house randomly on line....turns out it's represented by Gary Cooper, an elder at our Church....and we see the house....the seller is ALSO a member of our Church. What an amazing, small world we live in. We put in an offer today. Now we sit back and pray....

Here is a picture of the front. Isn't it adorable????

If man has dominion over all things....

Which it states in Genesis that he does.....so, if that is true I have a question.

Why must creatures get into our house, outsmart us by evading our "humane" traps (which we buy first), not eating our special poisons (which we buy second), and totally skipping over the in-expensive "tried and true" spring traps (which we buy at the same time as we buy the poison)? Why must we then *last resort* buy the super sticky glue traps which inevitably work...it just seems so sad and strange to me.

All this to say : we had a mouse problem. I stress had, because after a few months we have finally rid our home of the pestilence. Albeit a cute pestilence, but a pestilence nontheless.

This has led me to thinking : why don't they go into the "humane" traps (catch and release) so they don't die in "inhumane" ways? Why am I concerned about "humane" vs "inhumane" when it comes to a filthy, nasty, disgusting rodent? Just because he's grey, tiny, and somewhat resembles Jerry doesn't mean that I should feel sorry for him, does it? I don't really know what to think.

This track *naturally* led me to begin thinking about the Plagues on Egypt. Why didn't God send a plague of mice? Did mice not exist? Why did rats carry the Bubonic Plague (aka "Black Death") during the Dark Agest? How long have rats and mice existed? They look fairly evolved, so what did they evolve from? Don't most things get bigger as they evolve? I would think that whatever mice evolved from were really tiny. Or did they just appear one day, looking all mousey and whatnot?

If this line of thinking seems a little *off* to you, then you don't know me very well! Just as Michael, I'm always wandering off on little sidetrips, wherever my mind wants to take me....it's a scary place, but I already told you that!

Patriotic bebe

Have I ever looked this pleased with myself?  I seriously doubt it. 

My child is so smart!

I know every parent thinks that, and every parent is right!! But I really have to say, Daniel is extra special smart! Here is just a small example : he can see a photograph of a cow and he'll say "mooooo." He can pick up his piggy bank (or point at it across the room) and start snorting. We were at the Mortgage guy's office yesterday....there was a plastic cow. Daniel says "MOOOOO." The cows on the California Cow commercial, Chick fil A commercials.....he sees them and says "mooooo!"

But it doesn't stop there, oh no! He tries to put his shoes on his feet, saying "shoe." He says "no" when he really means "no!" He can tell you what a cow, a doggy, a kitty, a monkey, a piggy, and an elephant say (although the elephant sound we're still working on....he usually just laughs when I ask him what an elephant says). He knows where his nose, his ears, his eyes, his belly button, his toes, and his chin are located.

He can say "nana" for banana, "bye bye," "night night," "kitty," he thinks all dogs are "Ti" (since that is our big dog's name). He knows what "bath" means, he knows what "eat" means.

He loves to have his teeth brushed, and he even tries to help!

And the biggest of all : he knows what an "ICEE" is!! He can't say it yet, but he sure does get excited when we mention them! Or sno cones, he LOVES sno cones!! He can eat a whole kid sized one!!

Updates Galore

Well, we are definitely having a GIRL!! I saw her privates ;) tee hee! I am beside myself with Joy.....now if only we could think of a name for her!!

Jesse died Saturday. Kay is really sad, and I know it's going to be hard on her for awhile. But that poor dog, she had so many health problems! I'm just thankful she isn't suffering anymore.

We sent the kitties to live with Grammy.....should be interesting.

Daniel experienced his first fireworks on the 4th....HE LOVED THEM!! As soon as I get pics developed I'll post them. Didn't take the digital, but we took a disposable. I can't wait to see them.

We're still trying to find a house. It's more pressing than ever before because our landlord is a major pain. I can't wait to get away from here and him!

We still have a mouse. We've put down traps, poison, and tonight we're putting down glue traps. I just don't know if I'll be able to handle seeing the mouse stuck to it, but I think I shall try....I just want it GONE.

Sno cones....still my favorite, though they're doing heavy battle with Olive Garden salad....or better yet : have Olive Garden then head to get a sno cone. YEAH BABY!

The whole Tom Cruise/Katie Holmes thing weirds me out. Anyone else? I find them to be an odd match, and his "Religious" beliefs bother me. Not because of what his Religion is, per se, but because of the way he goes about "promoting" it. Seems weird to me. My friend Erin was a Christian Scientist, and I've never understood it. Never. I even read the book, but it all sounds like poppycock to me.

I have bronchitis. It stinks, because I cough and sound like a seal trying to hack up last week's lunch. Annoying, yes. Harmful, no.

I am going to have some corn chips and go to bed.

Is God the same yesterday, today and tomorrow?

I've been pondering this of late, because I have had a semi-difficult time reconciling the God of the Old Testament (who appears angry, vengeful, and jealous) with Jesus and how He is portrayed in the New Testament (giving, loving, sometimes righteously angry, but never vengeful).

So I asked my Pastor his thoughts on this, and he introduced me to something called "Open Theology" which is interesting to me, and the more I read the more I like it.

But then I started thinking, what if Jesus (as the Son of God) was just a little bit different and more "open minded" than his Dad? Doesn't that sometimes happen in families? But then I remind myself "silly, Jesus IS God....He was just Word made Flesh." But I get confused again (easy to do, I know) because the Bible states that Jesus sits at the Right Hand of God....so does that mean that since Jesus was born into this world as a man that when He died, was resurrected, and then went up to Heaven that He is a separate person from God? And as Christians we still worship GOD, but we believe our Salvation is through Jesus Christ. Or am I totally off base?

So my question is this : we worship GOD, His son is Jesus. In the Old Testament God was a very, very angry God. In the New Testament Jesus preaches to love they neighbor....so which is it? I guess my confusion doesn't end there but my thoughts will for today. Anybody got any thoughts? Surely I'm not the only person who feels this way?